Finally a nice dream=)

I'll be dreaming of you tonight

Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight

And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be

Then here in my room

Dreaming about you and me

I dreamt a nice dream of us last night=) it was the kind i wish i nevr had to get up.

I'm falling sick. Again.

Dreaming of you

I dreamt of you last night again. The words you said to me seemed so vivid and so real, I wish you'll never have to say to me in reality cuz it pierces my heart. To date, there hasn't really been anything i regret except the day i chose to let you go.

Time heals wounds; or does it?

Why does it hurt so much even after so long? All you ever wanted was to know if i wanted to be with you. All you ever needed was just for me to be there for you. All i ever did was nothing. And I'm paying the price for it right now. The rain has started to pour again. How can I tell you that I'm missing you so so so badly right now? I can't show it. Not to you. My heart feels like it's been thru alot worse than a million knife stabs. I can't sleep thinking of you.

We said we'd be together. That we'd hold on til a miracle happens. When we parted, we were unsure if it was the right thing to do. I missed you and my heart broke the second we made the decision. Will hanging on actually do us no good? How come it still hurts so badly then? It feels like it was just yesterday since we broke up. I know that there are alot more than just fun times that we should focus on. Issues unsettled and complicated for some to understand. But if i could do anything to be with you again, I would.

I miss you it hurts.

"You'll never walk (alone)"

My ankles are killin me! First the right, now the left. I need to recover in time for IH!

A Royal Affair

Ok..something happy and not depressing for a change =) had a wonderful time on 30th Dec 2006 as the JCM and crystal's other friends celebrated her 21st birthday. I was made the emcee of the games segment but sumhow the birthday girl ended up co-hosting it with me! haha..of course, i loved the food. Cereal prawns, curry chicken, fried rice, fried mee, egg omelette, fish and brinjal, mixed veg, spring rolls, samosa, almond jelly, sea coconut...char/crystal: how come no one talked about the food??!! i'm surprised lol.

hey, i'm lazy to 'narate' it all here haha..but yea, it was one of the best parties i've attended. From the preparations, the organization, the sporting guests (who made my job much easier :) ), the FOOD etc...What a wonderful way to celebrate the eve of New Year's Eve and to close the year nicely after all that happened in 2006 =) Pity Mike Lui couldn't join us as he wasn't feeling too good. He would have brought his crown and mine haha. And our swords. Mike, the photos are on her blog. Take care in UK too bro. Got your sms. No worries yea? See you when you return again :)

Hello 2007

Bye 2006. The most tumultuous year for me to date.

1. Took over as president of altarboys BSC. Didn't expect the serving rate to decline that badly in the end. Did i do too little? Maybe so. Left with unfinished business come December.

2. Organised a 21st Birthday celebration at macs for Her. I think that was the last major thing i did. Sigh. Could have, should have, done more. Lotsa happy memories. But well, sadly, they stay as memories. Just replaced my home PC monitor and was looking thru the photos. Sigh. Shan't go on...

3. ORDed before another stock-taking. Handover was a real relief. My understudy was hardworking but not that competent. Oh well, cldn give 2 hoots about it. ORD anyway. Slacked my way thru army. Re-read an email from an old fren. I'm taking the advice about not thinking about all the 'what-if's' and 'what-could-have-been's. Didn't regret my decision. Time spent with that special someone was worth every second i was not in camp.

4. Tioman. Best getaway to date. Slacked overseas, fished, ate, drank, got high, sang songs and solos, learnt a few puffs. All things sinful. Sigh. Loved the 'rockfall' or so they called it. Snorkelled around a small island. Stingrays, satay, beer, all going cheap cheap. Made a new fren.

5. WE starting drifting. Was it me? Did i not have time for Her? Maybe i still couldn't understand Her enough. Or did i feel it was like the other way round? Going out seemed to Her like an obligation instead of the looking-foward-to-meet-you. Parting was painful. Think it was mutual. Sigh. Still we couldn't bear to. I didn't do enough to keep Her by my side. Beneath my smiley and joking exterior alwz, i guess noone really knew the heartache and tears i went through. Not even Her. I alwz held on to the belief that we would work things out.

6. Looking back, i think what followed in the next few months i wish i could reverse. Those close to me would know what transpired. Rash decision? Action-reaction? Sigh. Went clubbing for the first time. (yea i was 20 already and my first time..so what?) Smoked, drank, ran a distance a i never knew. From home to pine grove, to maju camp, to ngee ann poly, to kap, down bukit timah road, up 6th ave, holland road and back home. God knows where i found the energy to do so. I have never done more than 4.8k before and that was in sec4. I was trying to forget Her.

7. My 21st Birthday. How dumb cld i get? I alwz bring my camera around except on the day of my birthday celebration. Noone else had a cam that day. Sigh. No photos of frens or family that day. Guess what remains is what i can remember. Alota ppl couldnt make it. 3 cousins were overseas, 1 couldn't make it, and sum uncles and aunties here and there couldn't make it as well. To my brothers who came, your presence meant alot. To those who wished me via phonecall or sms, thank you so much. I appreciate my dad and mum the most. Dad isn't working, Mum just stopped her parttime work, yet they were still willing to throw me a party.

It wasn't the most lavish of parties with wine and music and lights; it wasn't one with a huge birthday cake; it wasn't one where i received a car from my dad.

It was the one where i felt love from my parents. I never really got the chance to thank them that nite. The last time i remembered celebrating with Mum AND Dad around? 7 years old. I think.

8. 1st exams in NTU. I tried. Didn't really reach my aim. Sigh. So much for PhD dreams. I guess i really ain't that smart after all. (yea..go on laugh) I will try harder next sem.

9. Christmas. (go read one of previous entries)

10. New year. No countdown for me. I think it's just another day. Spent it at coffee bean at holland v and then at the hawker centre playing cards till 3am. Spent New Year's Day at home with family.

I wish all a good 2007 ahead.

More photos of 2006

St Aloysius Feast Day

Altarservers Retreat

Chalet '06

Some photos of 2006

Group Photos

MOS FHM top 100 party

Buddy Photos

Faces of SJI/NJ/NTU

Tioman Getaway

Post-Christmas Party at JS'

Bah-loo-koo

Suffering from swollen ankle thru Old Boys rugby game today at SJI =( but was glad to finally play a full real game after years! Hopefully can recover in time for IH which starts this saturday though=p

Christmas 2006

I think i'm getting old. I have to write down my schedule for each day for Christmas week cause i cannot remember wad i'll be having on a certain day!

Served 7pm Chinese Mass on Christmas Eve, went out awhile, served midnite Mass again, and then a little party with the altarservers at St. Luke's room. Wanted to go walawala's or eskibar with the ppl but everywhere was closing. Ended up having a joyride..and back to holland V at 4am for some snacks from 7-eleven. Next was trip to the cemetery at 5am. 2nd time to the cemetery at this hour. Drove Ian, Joshua, Benjamin, Reuben and Joan there lol. It was their first time. Went back to church at 7am to serve Mass at Dawn. Then breakfast at Macs Ridout Tea garden. Back home to sleep. Woke up at 4pm, went to Ian's hse for dinner. Damn shack. Though it was only 24 hours, it felt as if it was much longer than that haha.

Concussed at 10pm.

A Christmas Poem

Given if but one Christmas wish
I'd live for your smile and die for your kiss
To hold your hand and never bid farewell
Say you still love me, i beg thee tell

Till the sun ceases to rise
Till the blind man sees, with his eyes
Till friend and foe stretch out their hands
I lay my life in His plans

-copyright-
-Paul Cheong-
-23rd Day of the 12th Month of the Year 2006 of the Lord-

tis the season to be spending...

I think the amount im spending in december may well exceed that of october and november combined. Oh how it sucks to restrict yourself from wad u do or eat because of $$$.

It's been raining non-stop for the past few days but it hasn deterred me from meeting up with my friends haha. Had a fun time time with my OG with whom we celebrated by buddy's birthday. Dinner was at JeJu some korean restaurant and MOS burger with Jac before that lol. Why am i not surprised at the amount i eat? heh. Oh well, had a great time with Jac (met u unexpectedly early lol) and my OG. Thanks guys for the company!

To one of my brothers: I'm returning soon man. I think u need to share your problems. We're kinda lost/confused/worried right now. Relax a little k? Dun let the turkeys get you down=)

The sun is up!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Crawling Back to You

"Everybody knows that I was such a fool to ever let go of you
Baby I was wrong
Yeah I know I said we'd be better off alone
It was time that we moved on
I know I broke your heart,
I didn't mean to break your heart
But baby here I am

Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you

I know you're in there and you can make me wait
But I'm not gonna wait
It's the least that I can do, just to tell you face to face
I was lying to myself, now I'm dying in this hell
Girl I know you're mad, I can't blame you for being mad
But baby here I am

Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and now I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you

If you could see these tears I'm crying
Touch these hands that can't stop shaking
Hear my heart that's barely beating
You will see a different man

But baby here I am
Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth, now I'm crawling back to you"

MY week

At Pasir Ris with the Altarservers

Photowhores and Christmas lightings

1st Dec: Last paper finished at 1630h. Soccered from 1730h till 2130h. MJed from 2230h till next morn 0400h. Slept. Shiok.

2nd Dec: Home for lunch. DOTA-ed. Church altarservers meeting. DOTA-ed. Slept. Shiok.

3rd Dec: Served 7.30am Chinese Mass and 9.00am English Mass. Went to return and collect stuff from a friend. Encountered so much difficulty just to get back my stuff. oh well..Soccered from 1530h to 1730h @ Telok Blangah..Finally sum goalposts high enough for my 'wrath-of-paul' balls to enter...in the words of dear toon...OMGwtfBBQpwnk. haha. Dinnered with family.

4th Dec - 7th Dec: Chalet with the altarservers. Except for tues nite when we went to celebrate toon's birthday at billy bombers. Ate chic n ribs. Finished the meat portion but didn't finish the potato salad! Damn! I lost. One of the few times. tsktsk. Must train to eat again lol. Watched Tenacious D - The Pick of Destiny.

7th Dec: 0900h-Rugby training. 1st in a longlonglong time. Wasn really a shiong one as it was meant for the beginners who have never played rugby before. Oh well. 1700h-Track training. 1st in a longlonglong time as well. 1930h-Darts training. Quite an OK day...but considering i didn't sleep the night before.....

8th Dec: Jammed in the morning with Toon. Played some instrumental stuff though i didn't know exactly wad i was playing. Just went with the flow..Toon played/created/modified some chords/riffs, i just played along. But was good haha. Lunch was Can2. Dabao-ed chicken cutlet for toon who had to rush back to hall to reg subjects. DOTA-ed the whole afternoon, darts training in the evening. Dinner with zh, guan and guang @ HV. Then drank some Heineken and played a few games. Was a nice chill out session. Just relaxing. Not worrying about the time.

Ok...basically just wanna see my week is filled up with activities now that the exams are over..

Gonna DOTA now...getting bad at it alr...must train up! DOTA freak!

Reminiscences

Had nice dinner with family today =) Talked about lotsa stuff. Things that i wouldn't normally share with them. Felt so good. Think as we grow older, perhaps we'd feel more comforatble talking to our parents about certain issues.

Sigh, to a lost friend: to send or not to send a birthday card to you? Sent i did, and i'm kinda hoping that if it is not met with enthusiasm, at least not disgust.

Sigh. to another: Now you're holidaying in Aussie. Miss those times we shared. Alot. Suddenly it all comes back to me. You're comin home soon. Guess a few months can really work miracles and change people's thoughts and maturity level. Ok, i wouldn't dare say i've totally matured, but at least i now understand a lot of things you once felt. I look back and realise how patient you've been towards me after all. I'm glad we did not part with a grudge; we did not right? at least i know you still talk to me.

"If only i could turn back time...If only i had said what i still hide..." - Aqua(Turn Back Time)

It's all over

It's all over.

Everything that could have happen happened. Now it's time to sit back and re-evaluate situations and Life itself. Suddenly the world seems a much different place to live in. It's hard to explain in words how i feel.

Yes yes..it's a little too early to sum up the year...but i'd rather start now...I'm glad Christmas is approaching. My favourite time of the year. New Year as well.

Sigh. 2006-A year of lost friendships. Close friends. Friends you could once laugh and joke with and share problems with at the same time when the need arises as well.
2006-A year full of transits...in all sense of the word. Church matters, army, school, friendships, relationships...

"How could this happen to me? I made my mistakes, I've got nowhere to run, the night goes on as I'm fading away..."-Simple Plan.

Practically sums up how screwed up I am with handling matters.

Does everybody need friends? I guess some need them more than others. No matter how independent you are, friends are vital in your life.

I need friends. I guess I chased some of them away. Rash actions, foolish reactions, stupid decisions. They come back to haunt me.

DOTA. Temporary runaway from the real world. Back to reality. Goodnite.

Happy advanced birthday Nic.

Too early too late

"I find her standing in front of the church,
the only place in town where i didn't search.
She looked so happy in her wedding dress..
but she's cryin' while she's saying this:

Boy, i miss your kisses,
all the time but this is,
25 minutes too late..
Though u've travelled so far,
Boy, im sorry u are,
25 minutes too late..."

I hope i'll never be in this position...

toon the computer expert

Thanx toon for making the comments box for me lol... and i realise my words are very cramped up together and dull... so here's a little colour =)

Can't concentrate

So many things on my mind right now, i just can't seem to focus. I feel this is where life starts and play ends. Gota accomplish what i set out to do from the beginning. It's fucking difficult. I look around me and i see i dun have anything at the moment. I begin to worry, to wonder about the future. I dun even know how i'll be coping come end of the year. I think i have begun to realise. I aint gona lead a selfish life. I want people around me to be happy, and i'd do more than anything to see them so. Just knowing my loved ones and frens are doing well makes me feel a much happier person. Sometimes tho, the difficult part is the situation is not in our hands. We can't fucking do no shit to help them feel better. and the feeling bloody hell sucks. It's like you're made to feel fucking useless. Sometimes i wish i was a doctor, sometimes a mind-reader. And then u have all the 'if onlys' that start flooding your already dense brain from all the fucking sch work and stuff...wondering if u have a place in hall next sem, wondering how and where u gona study properly if u get kicked outa hall..wondering how u gona pay ur loans and get a job when you graduate. Now the economy's doing well...but we all noe the economic cycle...im jus praying it doesn hit my batch when we graduate..i've never kbed so much on my blog cz i tot i shd keep it clean..but oh well...wtf..it's MY boring black blog...nothing fanciful, popups, colours etc..stupid lab report still gota do..maths quiz tmr..computing quiz thurs..econs quiz next mon..oral presentation for effective communication...sumone sedate me now..amidst all these..i know im still sane sumhow...served Mass after such a long time..felt so good and aware that God is keeping me sane and all these so-called hardtimes are just temporary. After all, our rewards are in heaven, not this place called Earth, where it'll get swallowed up by the Sun in 5.4billion years time or hit by sum random asteriod from Kuipter's belt in between now and 5.4billion years time...ah..i need to punch smth..can we hang punching bags in our hall? so much angst in me..i wana keep my sanity..maybe the SJI motto will carry me through...Pray and work..ora et labora...praying alone wun work if we dun help ourselves and working alone doesn help to keep u sane from the worldly pressures..God all i ask is for peace and people not to suffer...i dun ask for wealth nor riches..Use me as your instrument..One day i shall find out your purpose for me in this life..Forgive me Lord for i am but a sinner.