1st week of holidays

26th April
Hit the gym immediately after my last paper. Realised that my brain muscles had grown so much during the exam period relative to the other parts of my body =P Following that, had a nice dip in the NTU pool. lol. I was lucky to be there early, cz around 5.30pm, it turned into somewhat like South China Sea instead. DOTAed. Was about to sleep when toon's friend jio-ed KTV. So KTV it was...at midnite till closing time at Lot1, followed by supper at Ah mei's at railmall. Back to hall at 5.30am.

27th April
Met up with ching, shir and ade at holland v for dinner. Pretty nice catch up session after so long. Crispy roasted chicken, deep-fried silver fish and ee-fu noodles at crystal jade kitchen. Dessert was supposed to be gelare's but it was under renovation so had 2 x Ben & Jerry's pint from cold storage instead haha.

28th April
Job-hunt day. Mark's & Spencer were hiring but pay was $5/hour, 6day-week, 8-hour shift. Decided against it. Everyone was busy. Most of the boys were with their girls (almost the whole gang is attached now), so paul went home for lunch. Met up with zh, mikey, wang and mich for dinner at holland v. Sat at coffeeshop fo a couple of beers. Then we were off to liquid kitchen for more. It was 30% off regular price of any item whenever a goal was scored, and Man Utd were comin back from 2-0 down against Everton, so we went on a spree. Watched the Pool game but it was expected they'd field a weakened side. (it paid off eventually in mid-week). After tt, we were joined by js and we were off to mustafa. Walked around, spent an hour at the toy dept, and there was this toy parrot which cld talk back at whatever you talked to it. So u noe... we said "f*%# you" and it went like "f*%# you, f*%# you, f*%# you". Then it's voice changed. Damn, it was freaky lol. Then we saw this water massage machine where u wldn get wet. So we 'opened number' to decide who gets to make a decision of who goes under the machine. The decision was with wang and he chose me. Bad choice. He shd've taken it for himself! It was $10 for 10min. We all chipped in and i sorta became a public display as the machine was right in the middle of mustafa. =P Retired at 3am.

2nd May
Met up with NAGA at JP for spidey3. My hair's getting quite long i realised. So i decided to experiment a little. Alrite dun comment =P. I know i look like chow yuen fatt or smth heh. Oh well, it was an experiment.. Received queer stares mainly from secondary school kids. At night, it was phuture/mambo with zh, wang, mich and matt. Man, if someone was drunk that nite, i dun think he cld tell the difference. The songs they played were too similar. I think i prefer mambo with all the happy cheery action songs lol. Mambo-ed/phutured till closing time.

3rd May
Awoke with a slight headache. Must've been the AK47 we had the nite b4. Was strong but bleah. Met Rai at 12noon. Looking better each day babe! Got caught in the rain a little but survived. Then we ta-baoed BK into the cinema. Supposed to have the show we wanted but there wasn't. So ended up with 'Wild Hogs' instead. I'm finally stretching my legs in town after several months! Went library to search for HTML books but cldn find. haiz. Then rai left for tuition whilst i met up with the boys at js' for our bbq get-together. Superb job in getting the fire started guys. This time it was booze-free. So no spelling-mikey or any other high dudes that nite lol.

4th May
There was supposed to be an orientation around school of ADM at 10am for prospective models but the prof pang-sehed us. Another prof said she cldn access her email blah blah blah..so i woke up at 8.30am on a rainy, sleepy day at home to travel down to NTU for nothin. Then there was this interview i went with zh, yongjie and their 2 frens in town. Did you know the yellow building in between somerset MRT station and the building with California Fitness is called Orchard Shopping Centre? I bet u didn't. Oh yeah, the interview was for camp instructors. Children's Techonology Workshop they called it. Didn't land the job. Had Suki Sushi buffet at cine for lunch. I wondered how many plates of salmon sashimi we had in total. Everything we ordered was in portions of 2. Oh well, dun ever mess with 5 hungry boys at buffets. I think the management knows, as our orders were slowed down. Maybe now he has our photos on the 'banned list'. =P

5th May
Morning at gym at pine and then swam. Wasn't much to do this sat evening.

6th May
Life as per normal. DOTA!! 1 game before i sleep.

Signing off.

My Sunday night with 6.40 AI+

Yay holidays

My revised things-to-do-now-that-exams-are-over-list

1. DOTA
2. Mahjong
3. Learn HTML
4. Teach fellow altar-servers maths
5. Soccer
6. Slack at beach
7. Slack in town (yes i've only been ard boon lay and home)
8. Get a job
9. Holiday overseas
10. Exercise regularly
11. Eat at crystal jade with ching (ching this is for u =P)
12. Practice magic
13. Sort music files on computer
14. Clean hall room

I Miss You.

You wrote:

Think back to the day when you first laid eyes on her. You found urself charmed by the way she talks, the way she dresses herself to show off her best features and the way she embraces life with her laughter. It seemed as if a mysterious "chemistry effect" has suddenly developed to draw you closer to her. You two then began to meet regularly, and you discover more things tt you admire about her. Her clever ideas, her healthy values and the way she stands up for you when others doubt you. You find yourself thinking of her not just as a normal friend, but a very gd friend. It is often during this period tt a boy and a gal will start thinking of bringing their friendship to another level. After all, the kind of wonderful experience you've between each other can only become even better if it develops into a romantic relationship. In other words, the feeling is really unique - no one else seems able to replace her in your heart. So both of you agree to go be together & work even harder on the relationship. u "graduate" to become a couple, and are the envy of the sea of singles.

When u Forget The Fundamentals, however, at some point in ur relationship, u forgot how it all began. You start to take your partner for granted. Why can't she laugh in a more ladylike manner? Why doesn't she dress herself more trendily? Why must she assert her views and point out your silly mistakes? Is she really the one for you? To be fair to yourself and to her, take some time to reflect on your "love memory". The "love memory' contains all the reasons tt u fell in love with her right from Day One. It contains rarely accessed snippets of how your life has changed since meeting & loving her. Pre-steady days, did you heap compliments on her for the brave way she spoke her mind on bullies and snobs? You probably did. Did you like her unusual fashion sense tt makes her stand out from the crowd? Who I Want to Meet: Right. So why are you criticising or finding fault with her now that she is your girlfriend? Because you have forgotten the fundamentals of love, like so many of us. You have forgotten the reasons you admired her during the friendship phase. Instead, once you went steady, you put your "love memory" in cold storage. As her boyfriend, you take up a new set of demands and expectations abouther. These new ideas are not necessarily better; they could put your relationship at risk.

The Secret Of Strong Relationships, a healthy relationship, like learning to walk properly, follows a step-by-step development. You can't possibly become part of a couple if you aren't friends in the first place. Ok, I know some of us break the rule and plunge straight into whirlwind courtship, but how many of those couples can go the distance? So whenever your relationship hits a rocky path, don't give up without checking on your "love memory".

Rediscover the reasons why you fell in love.

I miss your voice
I miss your smile
I miss your touch
I miss your laughter
I miss running my fingers thru your hair
I miss looking deep into your eyes
I miss the way you look at me
I miss holding your hand
I miss you whispering 'I miss you'
I miss your child-like innocence
I miss your unspoken gentleness
I miss your silent sweetness
I miss your tender lovingness
I miss your unassuming thoughtfulness
I miss your wisdom
I miss your words of encouragement
I miss the many times we had meals together at your table
I miss the many times we spent window-shopping at things we love
I miss the hours just watching tv on the couch and holding you
I miss the days we spent studying together
I miss the evenings we walked home up that slope
I miss the nights at your doorstep where we couldn't bear to say goodbye
I miss the countless waves of goodbyes we had at your window
I miss those runs i had to make to catch the last bus home
I miss those late nite calls
I miss those cards in which you wrote special somethings
I miss being there for you when you needed me
I miss you being there for me when I needed you

I miss you so bad it hurts. Everyday.

What's over

I hope they'll moderate Maths. In any case, Spanish'll compensate for Maths =)

My things-to-do-after-exam-list

1. DOTA
2. Mahjong
3. Learn how to handle HTML nonsense
4. Jam a full proper song
5. Teach fellow altar-servers maths
6. Soccer
7. Slack at the beach
8. Slack in some coffee-joint/aircon place in town
9. Search for a decent-paying part-time job
10. Exercise. Regularly.
11. Holiday
12. (supposed to be something more meaningful here..still thinking)

No to emo. Can't help thinking.

Ok i ain't emo let me stress that.

It's jus that, amidst all the exams and studies, the fun, the parties, the soccer, the beer, the mahjong, the these and the thats...when u thought u've finally moved on, somehow your sub-conscious rings a bell in your head when u least expect it to, knocking the past back into your thick, numb skull. What an ass. The angel's on your left telling you to move on, the devil's on the other side giving you feelings of a different sort (or is it the other way round?). Dug out old photos. Those real hard-copy ones u can feel in your hand and which somehow seems non-existent anymore due to digital cameras. Man, the feeling of looking at hard-copy photos ain't the same. U fill me?

Maths paper was a disaster, i felt, but i'm not gona KB here cz it ain't worth my time man. Move on, español is up next. Physics will be over by el fin de semana (the weekend).

Listening to Hokkien song (cik ki sio ho sua - one small unbrella) on toon's computer now.

It seems to me you've moved on. Please don't keep me guessing. I've lost you before. And I'm afraid I'll never have you back again. Are we meant to be together again or apart?

The Exultet - Easter Vigil Prayer

Rejoice, heavenly powers! Sing, choirs of angels! Exult, all creation around God's throne! Jesus Christ, our King, is risen! Sound the trumpet of salvation!

Rejoice, O earth, in shining splendor, radiant in the brightness of your King! Christ has conquered! Glory fills you! Darkness vanishes for ever!

Rejoice, O Mother Church! Exult in glory! The risen Savior shines upon you! Let this place resound with joy, echoing the mighty song of all God's people!

My dearest friends, standing with me in this holy light, join me in asking God for mercy, hat he may give his unworthy minister grace to sing his Easter praises.

The Lord be with you. (And also with you)
Lift up your hearts. (We lift them up to the Lord)
Let us give thanks to the Lord our God. (It is right to give him thanks and praise).

It is truly right that with full hearts and minds and voices we should praise the unseen God, the all-powerful Father, and his only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.

For Christ has ransomed us with his blood, and paid for us the price of Adam's sin to our eternal Father!

This is our passover feast, when Christ, the true Lamb, is slain, whose blood consecrates the homes of all believers.

This is the night when first you saved our fathers: you freed the people of Israel from their slavery and led them dry-shod through the sea.

This is the night when the pillar of fire destroyed the darkness of sin.

This is night when Christians everywhere, washed clean of sin and freed from all defilement, are restored to grace and grow together in holiness.

This is the night when Jesus Christ broke the chains of death and rose triumphant from the grave.

What good would life have been to us, had Christ not come as our Redeemer? Father, how wonderful your care for us! How boundless your merciful love! To ransom a slave you gave away your Son.

O happy fault, O necessary sin of Adam, which gained for us so great a Redeemer!

Most blessed of all nights, chosen by God to see Christ rising from the dead!

Of this night scripture says: "The night will be as clear as day: it will become my light, my joy."

The power of this holy night dispels all evil, ashes guilt away, restores lost innocence, brings mourners joy; it casts out hatred, brings us peace,and humbles earthly pride.

Night truly blessed when heaven is wedded to earth and man is reconciled with God!

Therefore, heavenly Father, in the joy of this night, receive our evening sacrifice of praise, your Church's solemn offering. Accept this Easter candle, a flame divided but undimmed, a pillar of fire that glows to the honor of God.

Let it mingle with the lights of heaven and continue bravely burning to dispel the darkness of this night!

May the Morning Star which never sets find this flame still burning: Christ, that Morning Star, who came back from the dead, and shed his peaceful light on all mankind, your Son, who lives and reigns for ever and ever. Amen.

30th March - A Date to Remember

This time last year, i was celebrating the bithday of a loved one.

This year, i am mourning the loss of one.

2 contrasting events depiciting me the two extremes of life.

On monday, the call came in. The news hit me, but it hadn't sunk in. After all, he had been suffering for a few years, part of me was relieved the Lord finally allowed him to return Home. And i was happy that i did not put off my visiting him only a few months ago despite school taking up so much of my time. Otherwise, i would have never gotten the chance to hug him again.

On monday, mum said it was alrite to stay in sch to study till thurs nite. By tuesday, i jus didn't have the concentration and discipline to do so. I was ghosting through tutorial rooms and lecture theatres. On wednesday, i finally made the trip down to his wake. Was holding back tears when i saw him lying in that wooden box. But he had peace on his face. That was comforting. Said a prayer. Went back home that nite, had to drag myself to lessons the next day.

During the service on thursday, cousins delivered beautiful eulogies. Beautiful memories of him. Sigh. Kept vigil till friday morn...

...as the coffin made its way to the cremation room, daughters and sons, granddaughters and grandsons said their last goodbyes through the viewing hall. Heart-wrenching it was. As his great-grandson Matthew said in his 4-year-old child-innocence, "byebye kong kong".

Overheard in the bus back to my grandmother's place: "Aunty Li, why u all so sad just now? no need to be sad ok?" That was from Matthew.

He was right. My grandfather is in good hands now. Finally, his time on this temporary place called earth has come to an end. His time somewhere far beyond and better in God's presence is just beginning.

Afterthoughts:
It is true that at a funeral, it is a gathering of long-lost family members. I sensed the closeness of family ties not felt at events like chinese new year or whatever else. I guessed looking down from above, my grandfather must be smiling.
Sometimes, amidst all the sorrow and tears, we fail to see the silver lining that a 4-year-old sees. Because i know the Lord takes cares of His children, even though sadness fills me, in my heart i can still smile.
Life is just a temporary assignment on earth. When it's all said and done, ashes and dust we return to. For his assignment, my grandfather passed with flying colours.

"He had fought the good fight, finished the race, kept the faith. God will reward him the crown of righteousness... ...and not only to him, but also to all who have longed for his appearing"
(2 Timothy 4: 6-9)

We love you 'kong kong'.

开不了口让你知道...

就是开不了口让她知道
我一定会呵护着你也逗你笑
你对我有多重要我后悔没让你知道
安静的听你撒娇看你睡着一直到老

就是开不了口让她知道
就是那么简单几句我办不到
整颗心悬在半空我只能够远远看着
这些我都做得到但那个人已经不是我

Defeating Temptation - I'm trying.

"God has promised never to allow more on you than he puts within you to handle it."

4 biblical keys to defeating temptation:

(1) Refocus your attention on smth else.
We are advised to refocus our attention because resisting a thought doesn't work. By resisting it, you actually reinforce it. The more you fight a feeling, the more it consumes and controls you. You strengthen it everytime you think of it. Don't fight the thought; just change the channel of your mind and get interested in another idea. We naturally move toward whatever we focus our attention on. Ignoring a temptation is far more effective than fighting it. Sometimes this means physically leaving a tempting situation. Keep your mind occupied with God's Word and other good thoughts. Satan can't get your attention when your mind is pre-occupied with smth else. You must manage your mind and monitor your media intake. Be selective. Choose carefully what you think about.

"Fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely and honourable."


(2) Reveal your struggle to a godly friend or support group.
Authentic, honest fellowship is the antidote to your lonely struggle against those sins that won't budge. Hiding your hurt only intensifies it. Satan wants you to think that your sin and temptation are unique so you must keep them a secret. The reason we hide our faults is pride. Whatever you can't talk about is already out of control in your life. You need a small group or accountability partner who will encourage you, support you, pray for you, love you unconditionally and hold you accountable.

"You are better off to have a friend than to be all alone...If you fall, your friend can help you up. But if you fall without having a friend nearby, you are really in trouble."

"God sets himself against the proud, but he shows favour to the humble. So humble yourselves before God."


(3) Resist the Devil.
If you are a believer, Satan cannot force you to do anything. He can only suggest. Don't ever try to argue wih the Devil. He's better at arguing than you are, having had thousands of years of practice. You can't bluff Satan with logic or opinion, but you can use the weapon that makes him tremble - the truth of God. This is why memorising scripture is absolutely essential to defeating temptation.

"Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."


(4) Realise your vulnerability.
It is easier to stay out of temptation than to get out of it.


"Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence."

List of wanted items

All my things seem to be falling apart one by one...

....at the same time...

1. portable CD-mp3 player
2. silver analog Seiko watch (top of prioity list)
3. ancient digital black Casio watch
3. Levi's jeans
4. Aigner wallet
5. Trusty old Nokia 7260

Sponsor for non-exact replacement of any of the above anyone?

THY GENEROSITY SHALL BE REWARDED!! =P

if only i had a little bit of cash...

Photo update

Hmm, realised i haven been posting photos for awhile....
And bro...dun stress so much...I think it's a phase we all go thru at some point in our lives repeatedly...take each day as it is man...we chill..

Mugg Muggg Mugggg!!

Only 5 weeks and a few days to the exams! Must start mugging..Recess week last week wasn't exactly catch-up-week for me..sigh. Catch-up-week started on Monday this week. Staying in the library til closing time for physics; on tuesday it was maths.. Attended a workshop on resume writing on wednesday nite tho...Finished another chapter of physics on thurs morn...3 more to go! Maths shall be attended to later tdy=) oh yea..im blabbering alot these few days when im not buried in my books, like now. heh. I must keep up this momentum til the exams...working towards a better GPA..hopefully i dun burn out!

Feeling damn shack at work now. Shoulders aching, eyelids drooping, stomach growling, wallet complaining. Need therapy! Unfortunately this weekend's gona be packed. Soccer match on saturday, whole day of X-physique on sunday: an urban race. Will be even more drained come sunday nite. i wana relax at some coffee joint jus chilling out and ppl watching..SLACK. STONE. Haiz..must wait till next weekend.

Dear God, pls grant me strength and perseverence. Now, for the next 5 weeks, and throughout my lifetime. Thank you. Amen.

MTV

Picture this:

You're sitting at a window seat in a bus, looking at the outside while it's raining heavily, and the vehicles and people just zoom past you. The mother sitting opposite you cradles her newborn in her arms, the aged couple beside you holding each other's hand lovingly, Your headphones/earphones are on, u're in a dreamy mood, your eyes stare deep into space. An absolute MTV moment ain't it?

A good time for reflection too. A good time to reevaluate your life maybe. Makes you wonder if what you are working towards actually makes sense to your life; makes you wonder if the people around you truly appreciate you for who you are; and whether you appreciate them being around as well. Many things you can ponder about. I don't know if you've encountered this scenario before...but i certainly have. =)

安静

One of my all-time favourite songs (and yes, it's a chinese one):

安静

只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天
睡着的大提琴安静的旧旧的

我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道你没有舍不得

你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开

你要我说多难堪
我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份
包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多
我会一直好好过

你已经远远离开
我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份
安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你
是因为我太爱你

...I duno if u've moved on.

But if u have,
i wish u all the best.

Nymphetamine

Lead to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A 'V' of black swans
On with hope to the grave
All through Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear
Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain
So I swore to thy razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb
I am a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above unto me?
For once upon a time
From the binds of your lowliness
I could always find
The right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discolours all with tunnel vision
Sunsetter
Nymphetamine
Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, a vampyric addiction
To her alone in full submission
None better
Nymphetamine

Wracked with your charm
I am circled like prey
Back in the forest
Where whispers persuade
More sugar trails
More white lady laid
Than pillars of salt
(Keeping Sodom at night at bay)

Fold to my arms
Hold their mesmeric sway
And dance out to the moon
As we did in those golden days

Christening stars
I remember the way
We were needle and spoon
Mislaid in the burning hay

Bared on your tomb
I am a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon

Come above unto me?
For once upon a time
From the binds of your holiness
I could always find
The right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discolours all with tunnel vision
Sunsetter
Nymphetamine
Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, a vampyric addiction
To her alone in full submission
None better
Nymphetamine

Are you man enough?

Smtms people should just be more sensitive towards others feelings. Especially if one has known the other party for so damn long. I jus cant stand the way how he treats the family and speaks to her sometimes. Show her some love for goodness sake u twerp. I wish u'd be more sensitive and mindful of your own family. Hopefully u're not cheating on her and her kid on another mistress and family outside. U'd disappoint your own child and drive your wife to her grave. U've only known how to go back to them when the going gets tough but totally left them out of everything else during your prime and when u were doing well. Are you man enough to tell her sorry? Something I doubt u've ever done? Maybe it doesn't matter whether or not u do already. Cuz u've disappointed the people who love u the most.

Triple Sweet Victory

Kudus to Hall6 ruggers. We played our hearts out and overcame the odds. 8-7 the final score read. Bruised bodies, popped shoulders, calf cramps.. it's been 2 days and i'm still in a daze how we did it. Absolute hall6. Perfecto. Buenos. We didn't have to wait for the soccer dudes to deliver the goods. We did it! Already the sports champs, we brought the overall champs title in; and the icing on the cake was to defeat the supposedly 'unbeatable' hall. Superb game play, excellent discipline on the pitch, warriors hungry for victory.

C A M P I O N E

Goodbye National Stadium

It was a fitting end. Victory against Thailand "over 90 minutes since 1977" -soccernet.com. It was my first and last LIVE soccer match at the National Stadium! Couldn't possibly let this opportunity pass=) I experienced the passion (albeit sometimes over-reaction I'd say) of the fans first hand. Ok la, i was one of them =P. Verbal abuse of the ref and visiting team were the programme for the day. But the ref was really f%#*ed up. (From the land of Dr M..wadya expecting man?) Anyway, I had a good look at the National Stadium again one last time before its tearing down.

Goodnite.