Amor no intercambiado

Esto hace daño a mí mucho siempre que yo sepa que usted está con él. Sin embargo, sólo puedo ser un amigo bueno a usted. Rezaré y esperaré que un día yo tenga tu amor.

And if I promise not to feel this pain, will I see you again, will I see you again?

An end to January. My heart's already been on a roller coaster.

痴心绝对

看见你和他在我面前

证明我的爱只是愚昧

你不懂我的 那些憔悴

是你永远不曾过的体会

为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解

我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切

你又狠狠逼退 我的防备

静静关上门来默数我的泪

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会

我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天

直到那一天 你会发现

真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

In His Time

"Don't get disappointed when God doesn't give you what you want...For He knows the best time for you to have it"

The possibility

Un-melancholic. I like nice dreams. I wish they'd turn into reality. =)

To answer a question

The answer surfaces when you least expect it to.

11 months to Christmas

Live for the moment. You're only young once.

Surreal

What a month to remember thus far; and it's still January of 2010. This year seems to have many interesting things in store for me if every month is such. More precisely, what a week. Never would I have imagined. Surreality. Melancholic.

Anyway, if all goes well, I may be heading to the USA come May straight after FYP presentation. To the Grand Canyon. Excited much. Nv stepped on American soil.

Applying for a position at EADS. Just trying my luck.

Breakfast and supper and breafast and supper for 5 consecutive days. Unfathomable.

Need to buck up for FYP in the meanwhile!

Greener pastures

I'm loving the new chapter in this book.

A New Chapter

"Don't close the book. Just turn the page."

That aside, pls take care of yourself while you're away. I really felt it after reading your blog about your near encounter with those ppl. That guy was really God-sent. Thank Him for keeping you safe.

Last nite, channel 5 just screened 'A New Hope - Starwars Episode 4'. A little apt? =P

School starts.

I can't wait to see what 2010 has in store.

Sunshine and the rain

I thought I was over you, but even the others could tell otherwise. I guess I don't realise it after all. It was sunshine and rain altogether at the same time. It's my dream; we all are entitled to dream right? Everything starts with one. I know now isn't the right time, perhaps you still aren't ready, perhaps for me you never will be. But it's ok. I try to do things and leave it as neutral as possible so you wouldn't start thinking all over again. I can just sit by the side. I don't know if what I'm doing now is waiting till it's really impossible. I will pray about it. I will pray for you.

I will miss you.

Sometimes, we'll only learn to appreciate people when they're no longer with us.

Goodbye 2009 Hello 2010

So I ushered in the new year with MJ at ET's. was initially down by 23, but some sick hands and I overturned the deficit into a profit of 36. For my own pleasure to remember, a few 'penghu's in a row, plus 2x 5-tai zi-mo including a xiao-san-yuan, a few other 5-tais, a near zi-yi-se, and an animal 'an-kang' were highlights of a super sick MJ luck I had last night. But lately my luck has been rather good of late. Perhaps 2010 will be a life-turning year for me? (think toto haha)

Anyway, I've progressed with my FYP finally. But analysis of results dun seem too convincing. Theory doesn't match the result. But oh well, I progressed.

Exam results came out on the 30th. As usual, subjects which I thought I'd do well weren't as good, and vice versa. But the bright side is I hit a 4 for the first time in my uni life. It may be the norm for some ppl, but I think it's my own personal target this sem and I'm glad I achieved it. My aim is a super high 4.7 next sem. =S

Later on that very same day, rode to town to pass some documents to my friend, but clever me decided to take the chance to not top-up petrol just yet. Luckily, it died at KPO, just within walking distance of cine. Then it wasnt a very pleasant surprise when I saw my friend too. 2 blows in a day. Ok can. Went home, walked to Jelita Caltex, bought petrol and dabao-ed it back to KPO to feed my baby. Pokered that very night. Was doing well, but eventually lost an all-in; perhaps was too rash. What a day.

Reflections

Location: FYP lab, Techno Research Plaza
Now listening: 倒帶 (Jolin Tsai version)

I was so frustrated the whole day. I feel this way everytime I start doing my FYP in the lab. It seems as if the many hours always result in nothing. I know what I have to do, so I'm not lost. But the setting up of all th equipment is killin' me. The steep learning curve. Super steep. Let's break it down. I've gotta mix a mixture of PDMS, pour it into a mould, and bake it for an hour or so before the chip is usable. Here's the bad part: when inserting the optical fibre into the chip, the fibre sometimes break; if it breaks INSIDE the chip, I have no choice but to remake the chip. If I push the fibre too deep in, it breaks the microchannel inside. Consequence: remake the chip. For the record, I think I've destroyed abt 7 chips tdy. Do the maths. And, when I successfully DID manage to insert the fibre nicely, a 'nice' little speck of dirt with a size the order of microns is enough to block the microchannel and I HAVE TO REMAKE ANOTHER FREAKING CHIP.

I've ranted enough. I've been thinking why I took up this FYP in the beginning? Maybe it was my fault for not consulting the prof in charge first about the details of this project. During the course of the sem however, my FYP prof happened to be my tutor for one of my modules, and to say he helped us alot before the exams was a huge understatement =P Let's leave it as that. And over chicken rice lunch alone today, I kept mellowing over my FYP again when it just dawned upon me that this FYP wasn't meant to help me academically, but to make me a more patient person. I choose to believe so. I still believe my life has been planned out by God. He has preserved me in so many more ways than one throughout my life, and definitely, it is only always on hindsight that I understand the reasons why things happened or failed to happen to me.

I've just came back from India, spending almost a week there, with a visit to a children's home, and a halfday tour of the city of Jaipur. Joan had her first ride atop a camel and we sat on an elephant as well. The kids of the home lead simple lives. They are obedient to the indian nun in charge at the home and we saw how happy they were, away from the uninnocence of the outside world. Had nights of HTHTs and reflections at our rooftop.

...So I'm still at my lab. My life is so much in isolation. I don't think I have that many close friends though fb says I have 600+ of them. But oh well, such is my life. I make the best out of it.

Guess I won't have December holidays anymore. Come this time next year, I wonder what direction my life will take. The people close to me slowly drift away.

I always tell people when I help them in one way or other: "no worries, when I'm old and greying, all I ask is you remember me."

Now listening: 最长的电影 (Jay Chou)

In the middle

By choosing one good friend's welfare, I have hurt the other. Given a choice, how will you handle it?

It seems a highly impossible dream at the moment.

Today, I feel the worst in months. That feeling of being alone in the world, friendless, not wanted, angry, not knowing which idiot invented the concept of exams, restlessness, wanting to migrate to somewhere unknown and leave my whole life at present behind me, all combined into one. I know this doesn't make much sense cause it just comes as I type. I wonder what would happen of me if I have not a religion and God to fall back on. Perhaps I'll just sink into the abyss of depression.

Angsty Me

Have been feeling rather easily irritable and angsty of late. Bloody inconsiderate people who scream randomly at 3~4am everynite while I'm trying to sleep. Can't even have afternoon naps as the workers all gather at the stairs outside my room talking loudly. WTF man. This is a bloody bad location. Why am i not surprised they left me this room only when all other rooms are taken. Seriously, grow up you young twerps. There's more to life than just screaming and acting oh-so-bitchy trying to get all the attention u want. It isn't cute. It's fCking annoying.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Constant

...So I stayed home and ate mum-cooked food for my birthday dinner =) exactly what i wanted. Yay.

Many thanks to all for the well wishes. =) It matters most with people close to your heart celebrating your birthday. Kinda disappointed though that some people forgot. Especially when they've been with you for 24 years. My birthday card from deb n shera =) :

In the meanwhile, to say I've been extremely busy with HRM in school is an understatement. Well, I'm blogging it down to remind myself of the effort that has been put in. Totally worth more than 3AUs. Felt like I just fulfilled a requirement for a phD instead.

Err, what else is there. I went prawning for the first time haha. cool. quite easy actually.

Hmm, oh yea, how can I forget my baby? We got together on 12th september 2009. Here's her photo haha:

Ain't she pretty?

Exams start in less than 2 weeks. Yay. And I'm flying off to India after that.

And Life is pretty much constant; I'm a patient fisherman...

you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:
a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..'

life sometimes gives you a second chance

you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back sometimes

if you pursue happiness, it will elude you; if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you

whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision

even when I have pains, I don't have to be one

every day, you should reach out and touch someone