Reflections

Location: FYP lab, Techno Research Plaza
Now listening: 倒帶 (Jolin Tsai version)

I was so frustrated the whole day. I feel this way everytime I start doing my FYP in the lab. It seems as if the many hours always result in nothing. I know what I have to do, so I'm not lost. But the setting up of all th equipment is killin' me. The steep learning curve. Super steep. Let's break it down. I've gotta mix a mixture of PDMS, pour it into a mould, and bake it for an hour or so before the chip is usable. Here's the bad part: when inserting the optical fibre into the chip, the fibre sometimes break; if it breaks INSIDE the chip, I have no choice but to remake the chip. If I push the fibre too deep in, it breaks the microchannel inside. Consequence: remake the chip. For the record, I think I've destroyed abt 7 chips tdy. Do the maths. And, when I successfully DID manage to insert the fibre nicely, a 'nice' little speck of dirt with a size the order of microns is enough to block the microchannel and I HAVE TO REMAKE ANOTHER FREAKING CHIP.

I've ranted enough. I've been thinking why I took up this FYP in the beginning? Maybe it was my fault for not consulting the prof in charge first about the details of this project. During the course of the sem however, my FYP prof happened to be my tutor for one of my modules, and to say he helped us alot before the exams was a huge understatement =P Let's leave it as that. And over chicken rice lunch alone today, I kept mellowing over my FYP again when it just dawned upon me that this FYP wasn't meant to help me academically, but to make me a more patient person. I choose to believe so. I still believe my life has been planned out by God. He has preserved me in so many more ways than one throughout my life, and definitely, it is only always on hindsight that I understand the reasons why things happened or failed to happen to me.

I've just came back from India, spending almost a week there, with a visit to a children's home, and a halfday tour of the city of Jaipur. Joan had her first ride atop a camel and we sat on an elephant as well. The kids of the home lead simple lives. They are obedient to the indian nun in charge at the home and we saw how happy they were, away from the uninnocence of the outside world. Had nights of HTHTs and reflections at our rooftop.

...So I'm still at my lab. My life is so much in isolation. I don't think I have that many close friends though fb says I have 600+ of them. But oh well, such is my life. I make the best out of it.

Guess I won't have December holidays anymore. Come this time next year, I wonder what direction my life will take. The people close to me slowly drift away.

I always tell people when I help them in one way or other: "no worries, when I'm old and greying, all I ask is you remember me."

Now listening: 最长的电影 (Jay Chou)