Reflections

Location: FYP lab, Techno Research Plaza
Now listening: 倒帶 (Jolin Tsai version)

I was so frustrated the whole day. I feel this way everytime I start doing my FYP in the lab. It seems as if the many hours always result in nothing. I know what I have to do, so I'm not lost. But the setting up of all th equipment is killin' me. The steep learning curve. Super steep. Let's break it down. I've gotta mix a mixture of PDMS, pour it into a mould, and bake it for an hour or so before the chip is usable. Here's the bad part: when inserting the optical fibre into the chip, the fibre sometimes break; if it breaks INSIDE the chip, I have no choice but to remake the chip. If I push the fibre too deep in, it breaks the microchannel inside. Consequence: remake the chip. For the record, I think I've destroyed abt 7 chips tdy. Do the maths. And, when I successfully DID manage to insert the fibre nicely, a 'nice' little speck of dirt with a size the order of microns is enough to block the microchannel and I HAVE TO REMAKE ANOTHER FREAKING CHIP.

I've ranted enough. I've been thinking why I took up this FYP in the beginning? Maybe it was my fault for not consulting the prof in charge first about the details of this project. During the course of the sem however, my FYP prof happened to be my tutor for one of my modules, and to say he helped us alot before the exams was a huge understatement =P Let's leave it as that. And over chicken rice lunch alone today, I kept mellowing over my FYP again when it just dawned upon me that this FYP wasn't meant to help me academically, but to make me a more patient person. I choose to believe so. I still believe my life has been planned out by God. He has preserved me in so many more ways than one throughout my life, and definitely, it is only always on hindsight that I understand the reasons why things happened or failed to happen to me.

I've just came back from India, spending almost a week there, with a visit to a children's home, and a halfday tour of the city of Jaipur. Joan had her first ride atop a camel and we sat on an elephant as well. The kids of the home lead simple lives. They are obedient to the indian nun in charge at the home and we saw how happy they were, away from the uninnocence of the outside world. Had nights of HTHTs and reflections at our rooftop.

...So I'm still at my lab. My life is so much in isolation. I don't think I have that many close friends though fb says I have 600+ of them. But oh well, such is my life. I make the best out of it.

Guess I won't have December holidays anymore. Come this time next year, I wonder what direction my life will take. The people close to me slowly drift away.

I always tell people when I help them in one way or other: "no worries, when I'm old and greying, all I ask is you remember me."

Now listening: 最长的电影 (Jay Chou)

In the middle

By choosing one good friend's welfare, I have hurt the other. Given a choice, how will you handle it?

It seems a highly impossible dream at the moment.

Today, I feel the worst in months. That feeling of being alone in the world, friendless, not wanted, angry, not knowing which idiot invented the concept of exams, restlessness, wanting to migrate to somewhere unknown and leave my whole life at present behind me, all combined into one. I know this doesn't make much sense cause it just comes as I type. I wonder what would happen of me if I have not a religion and God to fall back on. Perhaps I'll just sink into the abyss of depression.

Angsty Me

Have been feeling rather easily irritable and angsty of late. Bloody inconsiderate people who scream randomly at 3~4am everynite while I'm trying to sleep. Can't even have afternoon naps as the workers all gather at the stairs outside my room talking loudly. WTF man. This is a bloody bad location. Why am i not surprised they left me this room only when all other rooms are taken. Seriously, grow up you young twerps. There's more to life than just screaming and acting oh-so-bitchy trying to get all the attention u want. It isn't cute. It's fCking annoying.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Constant

...So I stayed home and ate mum-cooked food for my birthday dinner =) exactly what i wanted. Yay.

Many thanks to all for the well wishes. =) It matters most with people close to your heart celebrating your birthday. Kinda disappointed though that some people forgot. Especially when they've been with you for 24 years. My birthday card from deb n shera =) :

In the meanwhile, to say I've been extremely busy with HRM in school is an understatement. Well, I'm blogging it down to remind myself of the effort that has been put in. Totally worth more than 3AUs. Felt like I just fulfilled a requirement for a phD instead.

Err, what else is there. I went prawning for the first time haha. cool. quite easy actually.

Hmm, oh yea, how can I forget my baby? We got together on 12th september 2009. Here's her photo haha:

Ain't she pretty?

Exams start in less than 2 weeks. Yay. And I'm flying off to India after that.

And Life is pretty much constant; I'm a patient fisherman...

you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:
a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..'

life sometimes gives you a second chance

you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back sometimes

if you pursue happiness, it will elude you; if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you

whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision

even when I have pains, I don't have to be one

every day, you should reach out and touch someone

Proud of EEE

When we say

somethin bout the way
somethin bout the way you look
in my eyes
you make everything so damn easy
so easy that i dont got to worry bout a thing

and baby when we touch
all i can see is the image of us
sitting by the ocean
just before the dusk
sippin on a juice box and
sand between our toes

this is the part when we say were in love
and the part where we have our first kiss
but this ain't a movie
i know you cant come with me
you got your life
he better be treatin you right

just tell me you dont love me
tell me you dont feel the same way that i do
tell me i dont make you smile
like i do when you walk in the room
you're so hard to let go

this is the part when we say were in love
and the part where we say it's forever
but this ain't a fantasy
i know you can't come with me
you got your life
he better be treatin you right

this hurts so much to know that you're
with someone else when you should be w me
its just hard to accept that i cant be around
he better be treatin you good
i'm no einstein but i know a sign
when i see one
and i know you love me too

Something to think about

Why Go To Church?

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday.. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It wenton for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals.. But I do know this ... They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!" When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!

"When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, "Jesus, could you get that for me?"

End of chapter

Yet another chapter of my life closed.

The Paradox of our time

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

And always remember: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

by Dr. Bob Moorehead *Cited on Antioch Blog by Theresa

hello sexy

Only $188 =)

I wish

I wish you'd stay.

Leavin'

It's that heart-wrenching feeling again.
I'm learning to 'stretch' time.
Hopefully I've done just right - not too much nor too little.

photos

I'm sucha clubber

This first half of the year, I've clubbed more than (thrice?) the number than I did during the past 23 years of my life.

Some (recent and otherwise) pictures:

HK / SA

TEARS DRIED HEART DIED

Even "heart-connected" friends come and go. Sad but true. You were just like the breeze that lasted one brief moment, gentle yet soothing enough for me; alas when the heat disappeared, so have you faded away.

Sometimes I really wonder if people do treasure friends the way I do. Perhaps because I do not have siblings, friends mean so much more to me.

EEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOO

People say I'm the life of the party

Because I tell a joke or two

Although I might be laughing loud and hearty

Deep inside I'm blue

So take a good look at my face

You'll see my smile looks out of place

If you look closer, it's easy to trace

The tracks of my tears..

I need you, need you

Since you left me if you see me with another girl

Seeming like I'm having fun

Although she may be cute

She's just a substitute

Because you're the permanent one..

So take a good look at my face

You'll see my smile looks out of place

If you look closer, it's easy to trace

The tracks of my tears..

I need you, need you

Outside I'm masquerading

Inside my hope is fading

Just a clown oh yeah

Since you put me down

My smile is my make up

I wear since my break up with you..

So take a good look at my face

You'll see my smile looks out of place

If you look closer, it's easy to trace

The tracks of my tears

Of all that has happened

I think listening to music helps one blog.

I've been lazy to update of late, not there's much to anyway. February was spent shuttling alot between hall and home. Preparation for cultural nite. Managing the band has been an experience. I'm blessed to have talented people with good attitudes working with me. Willing to learn from each other, play as a team. Lucky that all went well =)

Certain music reminds you of certain people in your lives, even if they enter your life only for a brief moment. It isn't how long you have known the person. It's how we connect. Sometimes, no make it most of the time, one wishes he/she can relive those moments once in awhile. Now listening: Tell me where it hurts by MYMP.

We all grow old and memories remain memories. Good ones we keep, bad ones we remember to remind ourselves not to make the same mistake. Can you imagine how sad it is for those people who've lost their memories? It's like losing their lives. Lives are made up of memories don't you agree?

Am currently taking my class 2B. Hope to be able to ride by midyear=)

Hexis. A year has passed. Haha, totally different theme and cast. Slightly more than a year left in hall for me. Slightly more than a year of experiences left to garner. I am already missing it. The thought of graduation brings mixed feelings, more of this in my future posts =P

I think my attachment life is like my army life. Rotting my life away. Literally. I guess it's a break from schoolwork and everyday life. Now I know why working people have no time to date haha. I feel sleepy everyday. The greastest challenge is to stay awake; when work ends, I just want to head home, eat and sleep. And the occasional tv or dota. I think I hvnt played dota fo a month. The cycle repeats.

So many movies I want to watch. No time, no company. Slumdog millionaire, the curious case of benjamin button, just to name 2. I can't remember all.

Quarter-life crisis???

Was I out of my head?
Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you're sad then its time you spoke up too

Yay

WAR OF THE WORLDS

1. Everything in life is a gift from God.

2. Faith is what makes life meaningful.

3. Without money, a little is lost;

Without honour, more is lost;

Without God, all is lost.