Frustration

That indescribable feeling that has its grip over me a number times just this December. But there's nothing anyone can do about it. Just afraid I'll fall deeper. Everything will be shattered. Sometimes you wonder what you live for. It's a shame I can't put my thoughts into words. It's so frustrating. Extremely in fact. Sometimes you just wish that there's someone who can read your thoughts. Then the burden will be lighter.

Thinkin'...

Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.

倒帶

终於看开爱回不来

而你总是太晚明白

最後才把话说开

哭著求我留下来

终於看开爱回不来

我们面前太多阻碍

你的手却放不开

宁愿没出息求我别离开

Mood: Reflective

Just when you begin to wonder how God speaks to us, He chooses the most unlikiest of ways. I seem to have trouble listening to Him. Somehow, I just do not know when He is speaking to me. Bouts of depression lately. After an extremely emotionally draining day, I had a dream two nights ago. The next morning, he revealed himself to me again thru a good friend whilst breakfast one morning before studying. Even without me mentioning my burdens, this friend of mine just mentioned that sometimes, He doesn't want us to take a certain path is because He has better things in store for us. I mean, I used to believe that. What happened suddenly? Perhaps, God gives us gentle reminders every now and then, that He is still present when we think otherwise, that patience is a virtue. Good things are worth waiting for. Even if it seems the most unlikiest of scenarios at the moment, miracles will and do happen. You just gotta pray and beg God for it. He will answer. Another point mentioned by my friend who gave his own testimony. We just have to obey Him. Sounds easy, but not at all.

Sidenote: I'm so thankful for my mum.

Tell me where it hurts

It's pouring out there, and inside...

You know I'm not good with words; and I know u know this song, so here goes:

What is that sad look in your eyes

Why are you crying

Tell me now, tell me now

Tell me, why you’re feelin’ this way

I hate to see you so down, oh baby

Is it your heart

Oh, that’s breakin’ all in pieces

Makin’ you cry

Makin’ you feel blue

Is there anything that I can do

Why don’t you tell me where it hurts now, baby

And I’ll do my best to make it better

Yes, I’ll do my best to make those tears all go away

Just tell me where it hurts now, tell me

And I love you with a love so tender

Oh and if you let me stay

I’ll love all of the hurt away

I can wait forever

When you say, I miss the things you do
I just want to get back close again to you
But for now, your voice is near enough
How I miss you and I miss your love
And though, all the days that pass me by so slow
All the emptiness inside me flows
All around and there's no way out
I'm just thinking so much of you
There was never any doubt

I can wait forever
If you say you'll be there too
I can wait forever if you will
I know its worth it all, to spend my life alone with you

When it looked as though my life was wrong
You took my love and gave it somewhere to belong
I'll be here, when hope is out of sight
I just wish that I were next to you tonight
And though, Ill be reaching for you even though
You'll be somewhere else, my love will go
Like a bird on its way back home
I could never let you go
And I just want you to know

I can wait forever
If you say you'll be there too
I can wait forever if you will
I know its worth it all, to spend my life alone with you

-Lyrics by Air Supply-

Down, Not Out

Mood meter: 2/10

Fuzzy Wuzzy

All warm and fuzzy these days...

Some recent pictures

State: Confused

You hate the feeling:

When your heart tells you one thing, but your head tells you another.

When situations all around you seem to point towards smth not meant for you, but then, just when you thought you've got the answer to your dilemma, everything seems to work in your favour once again, and it makes you rethink.

When it's been ages since you've felt that way, and the feeling returns because of someone you've met, only to realise that it may not work out eventually.

When people you've consulted have reminded you to think of someone higher up there, but you still want to go ahead and try. The human nature. It's not as if I've haven't been there before, it's the stupid voice which still says it may be possible somehow.

Of having the person who eventually may be the one, to be around you when all these happen.

Of being the person who has to be around when someone you like, likes another. And all you can do is nothing. And it hurts because nobody knows anything.

Of waiting without any certainty of the future. Some people say 'seize the day', others say 'good things take time'. Which will you listen to?

4 Things You Cannot Recover

The stone after it's shot.
The word after it's spoken.
The occasion after it's lost.
The time after it's gone.

Update

Yes I'm still alive. Just don't know what to blog about haha. Ask me about my life. =P

More and Less

Less emotional; Less impulsive; More decisive.

I hate this feeling

I think we cannot go on like this. We shd stop. It's obvious to you isn't it? Somethings I don't hafta say, cause u noe i dun have the heart to. But if situation warrants me to, I'm sorry but I will. For the long term good. Maybe it isn't love you're feeling. How do you know it is anyway? It takes two hands to clap. Somehow, i just don't feel the 'connection'. You shd be able to sense it. I need to break it to you.

Hats off

Taken off Deborah's blog =)

A cruel little joke

One day, as i scrolled thru my phonebook, i decided to sms her. We arranged to meet up on Monday, but as fate would have it, we met on saturday instead. And after a couple of drinks, we sat down to talk. Then we learnt about the past. that was 5 years ago. A long time. When we met again on sunday, more things were revealed, but it was complicated. Much too complicated. Today, things changed drastically. How i wished i said things i should have said, and not do things i shdn have done. She said i'll still have a special place in her heart. But for how long? I should be fair to her. I should just tell her the truth. We cant go on like this forever. It ain't right.

Thoughts for the month

You know you haven't been home for awhile when you don't remember where your letter box is.

God works in mysterious ways. He brings people back in your life, with a whole new perspective of life itself.

You wonder if God is speaking to you when you have affirmations from various sources, especially when you embark towards the unknown.

Everything happens in His time. Be patient, one day you will understand why; I still don't sometimes, but I know He will reveal His plans for me, to me, soon.

We all fall short to sin sometimes, for it is human nature. However, do not sin in rebellion against God. It is not worth it.

MYMP's version - Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

It's good to slack

Looking in your eyes, I see a paradise
This world that I've found is too good to be true
Standing here beside you, want so much to give you
This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you

Let em say we're crazy, I don't care about that
Put your hand in my hand baby Don't ever look back~
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now~
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothings gonna stop us, nothings gonna stop us~

I'm so glad I found you, I'm not gonna lose you
Whatever it takes I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times, see it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do

Let em say we're crazy, what do they know??
Put your arms around me baby
Dont ever let go~
Let the world around us, just fall apart..
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart~

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now~
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothings gonna stop us~

Ooh, all that I need is you
All that I ever need
And all that I want to do, is hold you forever ever and ever, hey

I've got this song stuck in my head. LOL I think it's pretty catchy and 80ish and mamboish, which it is haha. Awesome stuff. Ok random.

Mahjong, friends, the occasional beer, chips, music... they all spell the word SLACK. haha

Chillllllllll

Holi Holi day

Ok i've unlocked my blog haha...
I still don't feel the holiday mood yet =P

It is finished

what a huge sense of relief
funny i must say
all things seem to point towards this anyway

i feel unburdened
a load off my shoulders
probably yours too

i think i've made a right decision this time round
ive come to my senses
im sleepy as i type this
yet i awake from my slumber

What a dream i had.

Insomnia

how am i supposed to forget u
leave you outta my thoughts
to stop looking at pictures of you
and me

i miss the times before this
few though we had
but the memories i hold dear

my friend tells me to drop the thought

seeing u with another just hits me bad
there're times i don't hafta guess
cause he'll be there
while i'm not

who can know what you're thinking?
i'll nv know where i stand

my friend tells me it's infatuation

aren't we past that age?

you gotta let me know girl

Part 1

sometimes i wonder
if i do say the right things
to the right person
at the right time

and then there's the question
when IS the right time

i'm either too early
or too late

now i think about it so very often
it's distracting me
exam period

can't concentrate during lectures
can't even sleep properly cause in my dreams u appear

there's a fine line between infatuation and 'like'
a line i can't distinguish

im not used to playing this role

we'll see how it goes won't we?
at least u know this isn't a game i'm playing =)

when part 1 sinks in
perhaps you'll think about it

i can only hope
cause i ain't like him

Heal the World

23 04 08

isn't it obvious
slow replies, no replies
perhaps ive got it wrong

is there a message
it's been years
but ive brushed it aside
again and again

is it really
how can it be

stained
tainted
damaged

its my inner struggle
my demon

i'll take your hand
walk where you lead
cast my eyes on you alone

won't say the old days were better
won't be scared of the unknown

Waiting for you....

Sometimes, waiting just doesn't seem to work. And it's not impatience.

Centennial post

Wow, 'The Leap Years' is truly a good show. More than i expected seriously. And the reviews were right for the first time. Really was worth my $6 haha. Wong Li Lin played the lead real well. Awesome storyline.

Oh, i watched the show alone btw haha. Decided to chill after studying on monday, tuesday and wednesday night. Needed to relax and i sure did! Got totally immersed in the movie, didn't at any point realise it was still a thursday, still a school day haha. Shiok.

The fisherman, his net, and the fish

A:
there is a whole ocean for you, dear fisherman
B:
fish are plenty
B:
gD fish are rare
B:
but when u catch a gD fish
B:
it slips away
B:
it swims away
A:
what do u think is the problem here
A:
why does the fish swim away?
B:
becos the net isnt perfect
A:
so do u blame the fisherman or the fish
B:
the fisherman of cos
A:
why cant it be that the fisherman does not need to have a fish
B:
but there's nth the fisherman can do
A:
maybe the fish is not meant to be caught
B:
perhaps
B:
perhaps
B:
another gD fish will come along
A:
there are many good fishes
B:
and the fish will not swim away from the imperfect net
A:
but only one fish is for the fisherman
B:
yes
A:
its not whether another fish comes along
A:
it has to be the right fish
B:
yes
B:
gD fish
B:
the right fish hu doesn swim away
B:
hu understands fisherman and his net
A:
maybe one day
A:
a fish will come looking for the fisherman
A:
the fisherman does not have to look no more

Photos to liven my blog

Nite Cycling:

Felicia Chin

I share my birthday with Felicia Chin. But she's a year older. How cool is that? And i just realised it.

Recess

Hmm, 1 week really isn't enough. I was supposed to study and catch up quite abit. But perhaps i feel kinda burnout already at this early stage. =P

Mon nite = Mahjong
Tue nite = Mahjong
Wed nite = Mambo
Thu nite = Supper till late
Fri nite = Work

Mon - Fri days = Sleep

gg.

Anyway, someone talk to me. I'm going nuts.

And, i wana catch some movies. Have a life outside NTU, relac one corner, chill. Coffee, beer, ice-milo, ribena. TV.

I should quit gambling. Vice. ok, except for the occasional toto and 4D.

I'm almost midway thru with uni.. damn fast la.. growing old, more responsibilities, impt decisions.

And lazier. No more energy. No more money. No more nothing. Life. Sometimes.

If only... then i would... but... so i wait... and pray... Unless... then i'll... but it seems almost... now. So i'll just wait...

If you know how to fill in the blanks, you've read me =)

Hexics (Hexis Pics)

The Light

Hexis has been great! Sometimes i think the people who shd get the most recognition are the backstage crew! Without u guys, evth would've been totally impossible. Pictures next time, if and when i do have the time haha..

Thanks to all who turned up and supported as well=)

I guess one of the memories i'll take wth me when i graduate next time is Hexis 2008. An unforgettable experience. Friendships forged, new experiences, and a chance to try out something i've alwz wanted to do - act! Yep. I'm just short la, that's what my mum would say, so hard to be actor next time lol.

I've made new frens and strengthened existing friendships. Kudos to my co, Deb, who suddenly became existent (quote from her) in my life haha. Swee, Max, the 2 amigos, lol. Ellyne the nurse haha, elvis Isaac and aunt sally Faith, anyone else? oh, Mike, Angela, Ezra, Yuxuan and FUND!!... i didn know we had such talent haha

Anyway, the light still lingers. Good news on a monday morning=)

Me and my...

Things're getting messy.

Hexis, Cultural Nite, lab report, quizzes, trainings...

Maybe, just maybe, it isn't meant to be. But it's ok. Perhaps it's better this way.

Just me and my new 5x5 Rubik's cube.

Me and my drums.

Me and semiconductor fundamentals.

La Conversacion

"Hey, will u be free this thurs?"
"Oh i'll be out.."
"Ooh...hot date? =)"
"Ya...how u know? I'll be out the whole day."
"Haha...guess lor."
......

Was It Something I Didn't Say?

Spending another night alone
Wondering when
I'm gonna ever see you again...

...I should have told you how I felt then
Instead, I kept it to myself, yeah
I let my love go unexpressed
'Til it was too late
You walked away

Was it something I didn't say
When I didn't say, "I love you"?
Was it words that you never heard
All those words I should have told you
All those times, all those nights
When I had the chance to?
Was it something I didn't say?...

...
...
...I took for granted that you knew, yeah
All of the love I had for you, yeah
I guess you never had a clue'
Til it was too late
You walked away

Oh, oh, all the words were in my heart
Well, they went unspoken
Baby, now my silent heart
Is a heart that's broken
I shoulda said so many things
Shoulda let you know
You're the one I needed near me
But I never let you hear me....

SJI was the best, is, and always will be!

All through our college a voice is resounding
Promptly respond to your duty's sweet call
Harken you all for the trumpet is sounding
Your mater's proclaiming her watchword to all

Foward her children dear
Ever with hearts sincere
Render with joy to your mater her due
All that is vile reject
Heaven will e'er protect
Sons of St Joseph's valiant and true

Onward and upward in life's earnest battles
Joyously bearing the brunt of the fight
Nobly forgiving for all that may pain you
And bravely defending the cause of the right

Foward her children dear
Ever with hearts sincere
Render with joy to your mater her due
All that is vile reject
Heaven will e'er protect
Sons of St Joseph's valiant and true!

One for the World

Ok, so it's not to bad to graduate with a 2nd upper and above, perhaps pursue a PhD, earn some good money, drive a nice car, live in a nice house, with a wonderful wife and some kids running around...Or you know, be like a top businessman, earning some 5-figure income, maybe 6. Attending functions, gracing social events etc. Or just partying away with the rest of the world...Life seems pretty much fulfilled and not boring.

As i was walking past canteen A today, i think there was some nanyang arts fest going on, so hiphop, happening etc..bazaar, clothes...you name it. Somehow, i just don't feel the need to be part of any sort of fanfare anymore.. There was this sudden feeling of weariness suddenly. A weariness of the world. It strikes me during one of those times when you're walking, perhaps back to hall, alone. I reflect.. Nothing seems to interest me. Don't you ever wonder? Life can't be just study, play, go to work, earn money, tussle with the rest of the world for survival, then we just move on when the Lord calls us back.

Don't you feel empty?

Numerous thoughts were going thru my head.. It's so weary and tiring just to live on this earth. Even studying has kinda lost it's meaning for me. I think it's more of a survival thing now. Yes i do want a degree of course. But how much is it worth exactly?

Friends are wonderful gifts from God to us. Else we'd be terribly alone in this world.

I think i've become more introverted over the years. Or perhaps i've just been the case all this while. I realise I seldom talk alot in the company of many friends. Or maybe im just to lazy to talk. I just listen.

I duno if the word independent fits. Cause i still need and want friends. I'm human afterall. I don't think i'll be labelled as shy. Im far from it. Maybe the word(s) is/are "couldn't care less"

Life on earth is real short. I'm 1/4 on the way to bidding this world goodbye. Have i done anything worthwhile in the eyes of God? I don't care if i've done so in the eyes of this world. Im weary. Just want to get on with life.

I feel...

I feel... i don't know how to describe this feeling. I like you. We met under certain circumstances. Ever since then, we've gone out only once. However, there was about sufficient 'substance' in our conversation that day to make me feel that you could finally be the one. Even though it was only for a short while, i really felt we could connect. Our ideals were similar and simple. There was simply something special about you but i can't put a finger to. I just know our encounter wasn't a coincidence. Every night, I pray to God asking Him if you could finally be the one. My only answer is to wait. Today, it was an unexpected meeting with you. My heart leapt when i realised that i was gona meet you, even though it was only gona be for half an hour. It didn't matter. I was more than happy. Seeing you just makes my day. Puts a smile across my face =)) You were gona meet your friend though. Was i paranoid? Hmm i don't know. It's a guy after all =P But you've got many other guy friends and somehow this guy's different i can feel=P. Ohwell, maybe i am paranoid after all heh. But knowing you, you wouldn't jump into anything if you're unsure, what more a relationship? Anyway, I wonder when would it be the right time to let you know how i truly feel about you. I just hope it won't be too early for a rejection, neither will it be too late. Please girl, i really pray that you will be the one. It's near to impossible to try to find another like you. I really really really pray that we'd work out one day.

2 Nuns

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM : And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down .