Wish/Need List

1. Black Canterbury shorts
2. External Harddisk
3. Palmtop
4. Own set of wheels

MERRY CHRISTMAS =)

Santa, santa, wherefore art thou my Santa?

Impossible? No.

Holy S*** !!!

Checklist

Done:

1. Solved Rubik's Cube
2. Read 'False Impressions'
3. MJed alot
4. Dotaed quite abit
5. Trained alot
6. Worked alot

Right.... I haven't registered 2 of my core subjects... holy s***.... Getting the butterflies in my stomach for the subjects lined up for me... Results gonna be out while I'm away in Genting...

KBKBKB

What's a blog for anyway? So I'm gona start KBing...

I think everyone kinda likes to be appreciated even in the littlest ways. Ok, maybe you reading this may call me selfish or whatever the term... But hey, wouldn't you like to be recognised for your efforts at times as well? Esp if it's the dirty work you do... the glamour goes to other parties. But you know what? I don't care. Cause i know what a damn team sport like rugby is. If noone's gona do the dirty work, who gonna clean the shit up man? Ok ok ok... this ain't targeted at noone in particular and i mean it. Just that, i feel for all who happen to be in my position. I mean, gotta give credit where credit is due man... I'd let the rest of it out on the field. See you at the top man. Bruised ribs or not, sick or unwell.. I love my game.. I play for myself and my team.. Rock on warriors...

I play with my heart man... It's the size of your bloody heart that matters when you go in there..

My Rubik's Cube

Yay. Now my next task is to improve my timing =)

Sample timetable

How's this for a timetable?:

Mon morn: Track
Mon aftn: Sepak Takraw
Tues morn: Sepak Takraw
Tues aftn: Hockey
Tues evening: Soccer
Wed: BREAK
Thurs morn: Soccer
Thurs aftn: Rugby
Fri morn: Hockey
Fri evening: work

Ok...but i skipped a few, cause i had to attend a family chalet =)

That's ONE week. Only the FIRST week. More to come =P

Post-mortem

Yea yea, the exams are over.. but i don't really feel good about how i did for my papers though. I already did badly enough for the previous semester, and if i do not achieve what i've aimed for, i think my remaining 5 semesters will just be a matter of 'time-passing-by' =P.

It's the first thursday morning after the exams, and that means almost the whole of NTU went mambo-ing last nite. I'm glad i stayed behind. Even though part of me really wanted to go, i had to restrain myself. Glad i did. Woke up at 4 to catch Liverpool-Porto, and met Tim along the way, who recounted to me everything that happened in the club. Guys, seriously man.. did u hafta drink till the booze knocked the living day(night)lights out of you? =P asdfjlhiasvnjiw.

I'm 1/6 my way thru the book 'False Impressions' =), apart from a totally sick full day of DOTA yesterday. Headache i tell you. lol.. but i think i still suck at it though. I'm not born to play computer games i think =P.

Yesterday was toon's birthday. Happy birthday man! LOL.. but we still hafta clean the room before next sem starts..

Another thing to add to the list of things-to-do: attempt the Rubik's Cube..

DOTA-overdose

Headache from DOTA.

After-exam schedule

Alrite. Here it is again. Every sem i'll post this, albeit at the wrong time. But who cares? lol.

(not in order)
1. DOTA
2. FM
3. Mahjong
4. IH trainings
5. Lego building
6. Read 'False Impressions' by Jeffrey Archer
7. Scan through some Maths books
8. Work st STC
9. Work at The Sun?
10. Work my biz
11. Clear M5 tutorial & exam
12. Run everyday

Will update this list if needed =)

Anyway, had a very unproductive day today. Should've gone out and played! Damn. Nevermind, tomorrow will be a better day.

Hall seems rather deserted now. Almost everyone has gone home to mug. Roomie is still around though, and he's taken ill. Get well soon bro =P. Swee, boon, yingli, ellyne, ching, bryan and his gf are the oher few ppl i see ard haha.

Home-cooked food is the best. Sick of food from canteen 1 or 2. Yucks. Phoei. Lol. Feels good to have food cooked with a mother's love again. =)

Hang in there guys! Exams will be over in no time!

Alritey...im going back to my 'Data Structures and Algorithms'...

Needs to play

Firstly, thank you all who remembered my birthday =) was really heartwarming. Thank you for the smses, including those from friends i haven seen in awhile. From friends overseas too. Those in hall, thank you for the early celebration at the tv room and on the day itself. Thank you for the tiramisu cake and the watch which makes me look good haha. Thanks to swee, boon and yingli who went shopping. Also special thanks also to roomie toon for the new pair of slippers! Woa, really gan dong. lol =))

Just a couple of pictures of my present:

Anyway, exams comin up. Good luck to all sitting for O's, A's and uni exams.

Schedule for period after exams: Mahjong, Dota, soccer, work, sleep, eat, play. pLay. PLAY!!

Be Inspired Part II

Awesome Dream Theater

Be Inspired

The Root of it all

Something unnerving has got the better of me the past few weeks, and i wonder what so. It can't be, can it? I don't want to, but sometimes the more one is restrained from a certain something, the more he hampers after it. If it is of no concern, why does one bother looking out for it? Perhaps it's happening again. At the wrong time? Maybe. Then again, when IS the right time?

They say forbidden fruits taste sweeter. Ok, not so forbidden maybe.

Some

Some stay, some don't
Some will, some won't

New ones, make
Old ones, forsake

The west has fun
The east undone

The Moon rises
The Sun ceases

What bases friendships?
Fun?
Tough times?
Chemistry?
Money?

Too busy?
Why of course.
We're but just an insignificant part.

Time finally?
Thank you.
It means alot.

Some things go unspoken.
Yeah it's tough being up there.

Don't let fame get the better.
Turn around,
We'll be there.

-copyright-
-Paul-
-(thirtieth day of the ninth month of the two-thousand and seventh year of the Lord)-

=)

This post is for saturday 25th August 2007. =)

Operation Random

Aye, so much has happened. It'll take me forever to blog. Feeling very lazy.

Let's see, sports camp. 23rd July-29th July. Hall camp, 30th July-5th August. School starts.

Things are starting to pile up. So much to handle. How to multi-multi-task? So far still manageable =) i think.

I'm confused. God, what do u want me to do with my life? Why the signals?

Should I carry on with project Kite?

M5, M9, HI...will they be of future use?

I dun think i wana walk the path everyone else walks.

Need to do smth different.

What? Is money almost evth? *pulls hair* Could be, maybe, definitely not. What?

*knock knock*

Going crazy. Is is time?

LISS was awesome. Wake-up call abit.

Kranji is bad.

Desideratum

From the first day
You took my breath away
Thought it was by chance we met
But the encounters i cannot forget
More than physical attraction
Your love for God drew my attention
I've yet to know you girl,
Who knows? You could complete my world.

Congrats

Congrats to my bro...you know she's the one! haha...good girls are hard to come by! =P

Congrats to you too, i trust you made a good decision =)

November Rain

Wow, a story for November Rain:

The Original Rapper

paulomambo

I din realise mambo song have MTVs





How i miss mambo.

Currently Listening...

Wait For You lyrics

Back!

Man, just realised it's been awfully long since i last blogged. Oh well, have been spending lotsa time building my future, laying the foundations now whilst school's not started yet.

In the process, i finally realise what a negative world this is. Flip open the papers and you'll understand what i mean. On another note of negativity, fear and doubt rule many people's lives. Because of fear of failing, because of doubts that a certain method will succeed, people are resistant to change. But guess what? I dun blame them at all. I was, after all, one of them. I understand where they're comin from and how they feel. If only however, they can understand how elated i am right now the moment i made that decision to change my life for the better in the future. As a friend, i really wish they can see it sooner rather than later. You know what? Whoever said no hard work is involved? Of course we hafta put in effort, and the winner is the one who doesn quit in times of adversities for these will surely form part of any activities we get involved in. That in mind, my dreams are not for sale. Thank you very much. Not so much the car, the house or whatever material that comes along as i would like to call it, a by-product. Instead, i'm looking to be able to spend quality time with my family, my kids, and to ensure my parents to grow old gracefully in a positive environment. Different people have different emotional dreams attached to themselves. And I'm certain of mine. After all, personal freedom doesn't come without financial freesdom. "Hullo??"

My subconscious starts tellin me smth as well. Even if people are apprenhensive, a true friend will say: "sorry bro, u know it's not for me. But if u think it'll work for u, go ahead and i'd support u." Compare it with: "sorry bro, i think it's stupid. u'll never gona make it." Get the difference? That said, I don't take things personally. Rest assured I won't lose a friendship over that.

Back to negativity, we can never escape from it no matter where we turn. We can't avoid it. However, we can dilute it with positivity. The mind is a powerful tool mind you. Go google "law of attraction". Rubbish you say? I wun argue with you, but it's your life. Thoughts translate into words, and words, actions. You decide.

To those who're concerned, i appreciate your concerns. My results this time round wasn't too good. But studies will come first. I'm looking fwd to next academic year. I've got loads to do. I only live once. And i'm not gona look back on life when i'm on my deathbed and wonder to myself, "what have i been doing all these years?"

And by the way, I've gained, not lost.

Nobody knows

It's hard when even the ppl closest to you start saying you'll never graduate well. True, give me advice and stuff, i appreciate them, even if it means reminding me of the consequences of doing certain things. Things i need to improve on as a person etc...i appreciate your input. But don't put me down just like that, not when even things have not taken off. All i can say is, let me prove you wrong, let me put smiles on your faces at the end of the day, and you'll look back to this day and say to yourself: "we should have had more faith in him."

Numbed.

Secrets

"The Secret of Life is letting go,
The Secret of Love is letting it show..."

Never been better

Hmm...just had a good chat on msn with you =) Caught up about life's happenings and got ourselves updated. Oh well, I'm happy for you =) And i hope things'll work out between you and him yea? And...I think you're special; don't think you aren't ok? Have faith. If you should feel weary along the way, take a break, stop and rest, but don't give up =) If He brings you to it, there must be some good tt'll come out of it, no matter the outcome. And if you're reading this, just to let you know, I'll alwz be a phonecall away =)

I wish you all the best =)

So many things, so little time. Random thoughts.

Yea, it's an irony. But i'm not talking about these 3 months of holidays before crazy school life starts again.

It's about your whole life.

Suddenly, y0u reach one of the points in your life where you take a step back again and start to look at it from a third person's point of view.

You begin to wonder, what do i want to achieve, really? To be top in your field of expertise....but working in another field? With paper qualifications in this and that etc? "Jack of all trades, master of none"...What's the point? To settle down at a certain age, hopefully, and not slog it out for the rest of your life to feed your family and get caught up in the viscious circle of not spending time with your beloved wife and kids? Now i definitely don't want that to happen to me.

How about retiring early and being debt-free, being able to provide for my family without compromising time spent with them? Sounds too good to be true? Then again...whoever said retirement is about age?

How about having a common goal for all that we're doing? As in like, you alwz hear ppl saying, "Doing it for the greater glory of God"...cheem? Yea, my sentiments exactly. But perhaps that's the driving factor behind everything. The motivating factor.

When people talk about having dreams, they stop there. They dun realise and don't noe that it's the little things that we do that help us work towards our dreams. Like i said, the motivating factor. Mine? I picture myself seated on a sofa in a nice hse, chillin over some drinks with my best friends and my wife, with the kids runnin in the yard, playin with our golden retriever, havin fun. Being able to see to the needs of my parents in their old age. Being able to contribute regularly to a certain charity of our choice. Taking nice holidays with my wife and kids occasionally.

Perhaps that, coupled with "doing it all for the greater glory of God", is my motivating factor. I'm thinkin now, when the chips are down, which they will be at some point, will i still be strong enough to sit up and relook at my dream?

I believe, dreams can turn into reality. Power of the spoken word, power of the mind and will. What am i doing now to ensure a better life ahead? I hope i'm taking the right path now.

I'm gona go for "Life In the Spirit Seminar" i think..anyone interested in joining me to rediscover your life? I invite you along with me. It's not jus for catholics only but for everyone.

The Search Is Over

How can I convince you what you see is real
Who am I to blame you for doubting what you feel
I was always reachin', you were just a girl I knew
I took for granted the friend I have in you

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment
Taking on the world, that was just my style
Now I look into your eyes
I can see forever, the search is over
You were with me all the while

Can we last forever, will we fall apart
At times it's so confusing, these questions of the heart
You followed me through changes and patiently you'd wait
Till I came to my senses through some miracle of fate

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment
Taking on the world, that was just my style
Now I look into your eyes
I can see forever, the search is over
You were with me all the while

Now the miles stretch out behind me
Loves that I have lost
Broken hearts lie victims of the game
Then good luck it finally struck
Like lightning from the blue
Every highway leading me back to you

Now at last I hold you, now all is said and done
The search has come full circle
Our destinies are one
So if you ever loved me
Show me that you give a damn
You'll know for certain
The man I really am

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment
Taking on the world, that was just my style
Then I touched your hand, I could hear you whisper
The search is over, love was right before my eyes

1st week of holidays

26th April
Hit the gym immediately after my last paper. Realised that my brain muscles had grown so much during the exam period relative to the other parts of my body =P Following that, had a nice dip in the NTU pool. lol. I was lucky to be there early, cz around 5.30pm, it turned into somewhat like South China Sea instead. DOTAed. Was about to sleep when toon's friend jio-ed KTV. So KTV it was...at midnite till closing time at Lot1, followed by supper at Ah mei's at railmall. Back to hall at 5.30am.

27th April
Met up with ching, shir and ade at holland v for dinner. Pretty nice catch up session after so long. Crispy roasted chicken, deep-fried silver fish and ee-fu noodles at crystal jade kitchen. Dessert was supposed to be gelare's but it was under renovation so had 2 x Ben & Jerry's pint from cold storage instead haha.

28th April
Job-hunt day. Mark's & Spencer were hiring but pay was $5/hour, 6day-week, 8-hour shift. Decided against it. Everyone was busy. Most of the boys were with their girls (almost the whole gang is attached now), so paul went home for lunch. Met up with zh, mikey, wang and mich for dinner at holland v. Sat at coffeeshop fo a couple of beers. Then we were off to liquid kitchen for more. It was 30% off regular price of any item whenever a goal was scored, and Man Utd were comin back from 2-0 down against Everton, so we went on a spree. Watched the Pool game but it was expected they'd field a weakened side. (it paid off eventually in mid-week). After tt, we were joined by js and we were off to mustafa. Walked around, spent an hour at the toy dept, and there was this toy parrot which cld talk back at whatever you talked to it. So u noe... we said "f*%# you" and it went like "f*%# you, f*%# you, f*%# you". Then it's voice changed. Damn, it was freaky lol. Then we saw this water massage machine where u wldn get wet. So we 'opened number' to decide who gets to make a decision of who goes under the machine. The decision was with wang and he chose me. Bad choice. He shd've taken it for himself! It was $10 for 10min. We all chipped in and i sorta became a public display as the machine was right in the middle of mustafa. =P Retired at 3am.

2nd May
Met up with NAGA at JP for spidey3. My hair's getting quite long i realised. So i decided to experiment a little. Alrite dun comment =P. I know i look like chow yuen fatt or smth heh. Oh well, it was an experiment.. Received queer stares mainly from secondary school kids. At night, it was phuture/mambo with zh, wang, mich and matt. Man, if someone was drunk that nite, i dun think he cld tell the difference. The songs they played were too similar. I think i prefer mambo with all the happy cheery action songs lol. Mambo-ed/phutured till closing time.

3rd May
Awoke with a slight headache. Must've been the AK47 we had the nite b4. Was strong but bleah. Met Rai at 12noon. Looking better each day babe! Got caught in the rain a little but survived. Then we ta-baoed BK into the cinema. Supposed to have the show we wanted but there wasn't. So ended up with 'Wild Hogs' instead. I'm finally stretching my legs in town after several months! Went library to search for HTML books but cldn find. haiz. Then rai left for tuition whilst i met up with the boys at js' for our bbq get-together. Superb job in getting the fire started guys. This time it was booze-free. So no spelling-mikey or any other high dudes that nite lol.

4th May
There was supposed to be an orientation around school of ADM at 10am for prospective models but the prof pang-sehed us. Another prof said she cldn access her email blah blah blah..so i woke up at 8.30am on a rainy, sleepy day at home to travel down to NTU for nothin. Then there was this interview i went with zh, yongjie and their 2 frens in town. Did you know the yellow building in between somerset MRT station and the building with California Fitness is called Orchard Shopping Centre? I bet u didn't. Oh yeah, the interview was for camp instructors. Children's Techonology Workshop they called it. Didn't land the job. Had Suki Sushi buffet at cine for lunch. I wondered how many plates of salmon sashimi we had in total. Everything we ordered was in portions of 2. Oh well, dun ever mess with 5 hungry boys at buffets. I think the management knows, as our orders were slowed down. Maybe now he has our photos on the 'banned list'. =P

5th May
Morning at gym at pine and then swam. Wasn't much to do this sat evening.

6th May
Life as per normal. DOTA!! 1 game before i sleep.

Signing off.

My Sunday night with 6.40 AI+

Yay holidays

My revised things-to-do-now-that-exams-are-over-list

1. DOTA
2. Mahjong
3. Learn HTML
4. Teach fellow altar-servers maths
5. Soccer
6. Slack at beach
7. Slack in town (yes i've only been ard boon lay and home)
8. Get a job
9. Holiday overseas
10. Exercise regularly
11. Eat at crystal jade with ching (ching this is for u =P)
12. Practice magic
13. Sort music files on computer
14. Clean hall room

I Miss You.

You wrote:

Think back to the day when you first laid eyes on her. You found urself charmed by the way she talks, the way she dresses herself to show off her best features and the way she embraces life with her laughter. It seemed as if a mysterious "chemistry effect" has suddenly developed to draw you closer to her. You two then began to meet regularly, and you discover more things tt you admire about her. Her clever ideas, her healthy values and the way she stands up for you when others doubt you. You find yourself thinking of her not just as a normal friend, but a very gd friend. It is often during this period tt a boy and a gal will start thinking of bringing their friendship to another level. After all, the kind of wonderful experience you've between each other can only become even better if it develops into a romantic relationship. In other words, the feeling is really unique - no one else seems able to replace her in your heart. So both of you agree to go be together & work even harder on the relationship. u "graduate" to become a couple, and are the envy of the sea of singles.

When u Forget The Fundamentals, however, at some point in ur relationship, u forgot how it all began. You start to take your partner for granted. Why can't she laugh in a more ladylike manner? Why doesn't she dress herself more trendily? Why must she assert her views and point out your silly mistakes? Is she really the one for you? To be fair to yourself and to her, take some time to reflect on your "love memory". The "love memory' contains all the reasons tt u fell in love with her right from Day One. It contains rarely accessed snippets of how your life has changed since meeting & loving her. Pre-steady days, did you heap compliments on her for the brave way she spoke her mind on bullies and snobs? You probably did. Did you like her unusual fashion sense tt makes her stand out from the crowd? Who I Want to Meet: Right. So why are you criticising or finding fault with her now that she is your girlfriend? Because you have forgotten the fundamentals of love, like so many of us. You have forgotten the reasons you admired her during the friendship phase. Instead, once you went steady, you put your "love memory" in cold storage. As her boyfriend, you take up a new set of demands and expectations abouther. These new ideas are not necessarily better; they could put your relationship at risk.

The Secret Of Strong Relationships, a healthy relationship, like learning to walk properly, follows a step-by-step development. You can't possibly become part of a couple if you aren't friends in the first place. Ok, I know some of us break the rule and plunge straight into whirlwind courtship, but how many of those couples can go the distance? So whenever your relationship hits a rocky path, don't give up without checking on your "love memory".

Rediscover the reasons why you fell in love.

I miss your voice
I miss your smile
I miss your touch
I miss your laughter
I miss running my fingers thru your hair
I miss looking deep into your eyes
I miss the way you look at me
I miss holding your hand
I miss you whispering 'I miss you'
I miss your child-like innocence
I miss your unspoken gentleness
I miss your silent sweetness
I miss your tender lovingness
I miss your unassuming thoughtfulness
I miss your wisdom
I miss your words of encouragement
I miss the many times we had meals together at your table
I miss the many times we spent window-shopping at things we love
I miss the hours just watching tv on the couch and holding you
I miss the days we spent studying together
I miss the evenings we walked home up that slope
I miss the nights at your doorstep where we couldn't bear to say goodbye
I miss the countless waves of goodbyes we had at your window
I miss those runs i had to make to catch the last bus home
I miss those late nite calls
I miss those cards in which you wrote special somethings
I miss being there for you when you needed me
I miss you being there for me when I needed you

I miss you so bad it hurts. Everyday.

What's over

I hope they'll moderate Maths. In any case, Spanish'll compensate for Maths =)

My things-to-do-after-exam-list

1. DOTA
2. Mahjong
3. Learn how to handle HTML nonsense
4. Jam a full proper song
5. Teach fellow altar-servers maths
6. Soccer
7. Slack at the beach
8. Slack in some coffee-joint/aircon place in town
9. Search for a decent-paying part-time job
10. Exercise. Regularly.
11. Holiday
12. (supposed to be something more meaningful here..still thinking)

No to emo. Can't help thinking.

Ok i ain't emo let me stress that.

It's jus that, amidst all the exams and studies, the fun, the parties, the soccer, the beer, the mahjong, the these and the thats...when u thought u've finally moved on, somehow your sub-conscious rings a bell in your head when u least expect it to, knocking the past back into your thick, numb skull. What an ass. The angel's on your left telling you to move on, the devil's on the other side giving you feelings of a different sort (or is it the other way round?). Dug out old photos. Those real hard-copy ones u can feel in your hand and which somehow seems non-existent anymore due to digital cameras. Man, the feeling of looking at hard-copy photos ain't the same. U fill me?

Maths paper was a disaster, i felt, but i'm not gona KB here cz it ain't worth my time man. Move on, español is up next. Physics will be over by el fin de semana (the weekend).

Listening to Hokkien song (cik ki sio ho sua - one small unbrella) on toon's computer now.

It seems to me you've moved on. Please don't keep me guessing. I've lost you before. And I'm afraid I'll never have you back again. Are we meant to be together again or apart?

The Exultet - Easter Vigil Prayer

Rejoice, heavenly powers! Sing, choirs of angels! Exult, all creation around God's throne! Jesus Christ, our King, is risen! Sound the trumpet of salvation!

Rejoice, O earth, in shining splendor, radiant in the brightness of your King! Christ has conquered! Glory fills you! Darkness vanishes for ever!

Rejoice, O Mother Church! Exult in glory! The risen Savior shines upon you! Let this place resound with joy, echoing the mighty song of all God's people!

My dearest friends, standing with me in this holy light, join me in asking God for mercy, hat he may give his unworthy minister grace to sing his Easter praises.

The Lord be with you. (And also with you)
Lift up your hearts. (We lift them up to the Lord)
Let us give thanks to the Lord our God. (It is right to give him thanks and praise).

It is truly right that with full hearts and minds and voices we should praise the unseen God, the all-powerful Father, and his only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.

For Christ has ransomed us with his blood, and paid for us the price of Adam's sin to our eternal Father!

This is our passover feast, when Christ, the true Lamb, is slain, whose blood consecrates the homes of all believers.

This is the night when first you saved our fathers: you freed the people of Israel from their slavery and led them dry-shod through the sea.

This is the night when the pillar of fire destroyed the darkness of sin.

This is night when Christians everywhere, washed clean of sin and freed from all defilement, are restored to grace and grow together in holiness.

This is the night when Jesus Christ broke the chains of death and rose triumphant from the grave.

What good would life have been to us, had Christ not come as our Redeemer? Father, how wonderful your care for us! How boundless your merciful love! To ransom a slave you gave away your Son.

O happy fault, O necessary sin of Adam, which gained for us so great a Redeemer!

Most blessed of all nights, chosen by God to see Christ rising from the dead!

Of this night scripture says: "The night will be as clear as day: it will become my light, my joy."

The power of this holy night dispels all evil, ashes guilt away, restores lost innocence, brings mourners joy; it casts out hatred, brings us peace,and humbles earthly pride.

Night truly blessed when heaven is wedded to earth and man is reconciled with God!

Therefore, heavenly Father, in the joy of this night, receive our evening sacrifice of praise, your Church's solemn offering. Accept this Easter candle, a flame divided but undimmed, a pillar of fire that glows to the honor of God.

Let it mingle with the lights of heaven and continue bravely burning to dispel the darkness of this night!

May the Morning Star which never sets find this flame still burning: Christ, that Morning Star, who came back from the dead, and shed his peaceful light on all mankind, your Son, who lives and reigns for ever and ever. Amen.

30th March - A Date to Remember

This time last year, i was celebrating the bithday of a loved one.

This year, i am mourning the loss of one.

2 contrasting events depiciting me the two extremes of life.

On monday, the call came in. The news hit me, but it hadn't sunk in. After all, he had been suffering for a few years, part of me was relieved the Lord finally allowed him to return Home. And i was happy that i did not put off my visiting him only a few months ago despite school taking up so much of my time. Otherwise, i would have never gotten the chance to hug him again.

On monday, mum said it was alrite to stay in sch to study till thurs nite. By tuesday, i jus didn't have the concentration and discipline to do so. I was ghosting through tutorial rooms and lecture theatres. On wednesday, i finally made the trip down to his wake. Was holding back tears when i saw him lying in that wooden box. But he had peace on his face. That was comforting. Said a prayer. Went back home that nite, had to drag myself to lessons the next day.

During the service on thursday, cousins delivered beautiful eulogies. Beautiful memories of him. Sigh. Kept vigil till friday morn...

...as the coffin made its way to the cremation room, daughters and sons, granddaughters and grandsons said their last goodbyes through the viewing hall. Heart-wrenching it was. As his great-grandson Matthew said in his 4-year-old child-innocence, "byebye kong kong".

Overheard in the bus back to my grandmother's place: "Aunty Li, why u all so sad just now? no need to be sad ok?" That was from Matthew.

He was right. My grandfather is in good hands now. Finally, his time on this temporary place called earth has come to an end. His time somewhere far beyond and better in God's presence is just beginning.

Afterthoughts:
It is true that at a funeral, it is a gathering of long-lost family members. I sensed the closeness of family ties not felt at events like chinese new year or whatever else. I guessed looking down from above, my grandfather must be smiling.
Sometimes, amidst all the sorrow and tears, we fail to see the silver lining that a 4-year-old sees. Because i know the Lord takes cares of His children, even though sadness fills me, in my heart i can still smile.
Life is just a temporary assignment on earth. When it's all said and done, ashes and dust we return to. For his assignment, my grandfather passed with flying colours.

"He had fought the good fight, finished the race, kept the faith. God will reward him the crown of righteousness... ...and not only to him, but also to all who have longed for his appearing"
(2 Timothy 4: 6-9)

We love you 'kong kong'.

开不了口让你知道...

就是开不了口让她知道
我一定会呵护着你也逗你笑
你对我有多重要我后悔没让你知道
安静的听你撒娇看你睡着一直到老

就是开不了口让她知道
就是那么简单几句我办不到
整颗心悬在半空我只能够远远看着
这些我都做得到但那个人已经不是我

Defeating Temptation - I'm trying.

"God has promised never to allow more on you than he puts within you to handle it."

4 biblical keys to defeating temptation:

(1) Refocus your attention on smth else.
We are advised to refocus our attention because resisting a thought doesn't work. By resisting it, you actually reinforce it. The more you fight a feeling, the more it consumes and controls you. You strengthen it everytime you think of it. Don't fight the thought; just change the channel of your mind and get interested in another idea. We naturally move toward whatever we focus our attention on. Ignoring a temptation is far more effective than fighting it. Sometimes this means physically leaving a tempting situation. Keep your mind occupied with God's Word and other good thoughts. Satan can't get your attention when your mind is pre-occupied with smth else. You must manage your mind and monitor your media intake. Be selective. Choose carefully what you think about.

"Fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely and honourable."


(2) Reveal your struggle to a godly friend or support group.
Authentic, honest fellowship is the antidote to your lonely struggle against those sins that won't budge. Hiding your hurt only intensifies it. Satan wants you to think that your sin and temptation are unique so you must keep them a secret. The reason we hide our faults is pride. Whatever you can't talk about is already out of control in your life. You need a small group or accountability partner who will encourage you, support you, pray for you, love you unconditionally and hold you accountable.

"You are better off to have a friend than to be all alone...If you fall, your friend can help you up. But if you fall without having a friend nearby, you are really in trouble."

"God sets himself against the proud, but he shows favour to the humble. So humble yourselves before God."


(3) Resist the Devil.
If you are a believer, Satan cannot force you to do anything. He can only suggest. Don't ever try to argue wih the Devil. He's better at arguing than you are, having had thousands of years of practice. You can't bluff Satan with logic or opinion, but you can use the weapon that makes him tremble - the truth of God. This is why memorising scripture is absolutely essential to defeating temptation.

"Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."


(4) Realise your vulnerability.
It is easier to stay out of temptation than to get out of it.


"Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence."

List of wanted items

All my things seem to be falling apart one by one...

....at the same time...

1. portable CD-mp3 player
2. silver analog Seiko watch (top of prioity list)
3. ancient digital black Casio watch
3. Levi's jeans
4. Aigner wallet
5. Trusty old Nokia 7260

Sponsor for non-exact replacement of any of the above anyone?

THY GENEROSITY SHALL BE REWARDED!! =P

if only i had a little bit of cash...

Photo update

Hmm, realised i haven been posting photos for awhile....
And bro...dun stress so much...I think it's a phase we all go thru at some point in our lives repeatedly...take each day as it is man...we chill..

Mugg Muggg Mugggg!!

Only 5 weeks and a few days to the exams! Must start mugging..Recess week last week wasn't exactly catch-up-week for me..sigh. Catch-up-week started on Monday this week. Staying in the library til closing time for physics; on tuesday it was maths.. Attended a workshop on resume writing on wednesday nite tho...Finished another chapter of physics on thurs morn...3 more to go! Maths shall be attended to later tdy=) oh yea..im blabbering alot these few days when im not buried in my books, like now. heh. I must keep up this momentum til the exams...working towards a better GPA..hopefully i dun burn out!

Feeling damn shack at work now. Shoulders aching, eyelids drooping, stomach growling, wallet complaining. Need therapy! Unfortunately this weekend's gona be packed. Soccer match on saturday, whole day of X-physique on sunday: an urban race. Will be even more drained come sunday nite. i wana relax at some coffee joint jus chilling out and ppl watching..SLACK. STONE. Haiz..must wait till next weekend.

Dear God, pls grant me strength and perseverence. Now, for the next 5 weeks, and throughout my lifetime. Thank you. Amen.

MTV

Picture this:

You're sitting at a window seat in a bus, looking at the outside while it's raining heavily, and the vehicles and people just zoom past you. The mother sitting opposite you cradles her newborn in her arms, the aged couple beside you holding each other's hand lovingly, Your headphones/earphones are on, u're in a dreamy mood, your eyes stare deep into space. An absolute MTV moment ain't it?

A good time for reflection too. A good time to reevaluate your life maybe. Makes you wonder if what you are working towards actually makes sense to your life; makes you wonder if the people around you truly appreciate you for who you are; and whether you appreciate them being around as well. Many things you can ponder about. I don't know if you've encountered this scenario before...but i certainly have. =)

安静

One of my all-time favourite songs (and yes, it's a chinese one):

安静

只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天
睡着的大提琴安静的旧旧的

我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道你没有舍不得

你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开

你要我说多难堪
我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份
包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多
我会一直好好过

你已经远远离开
我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份
安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你
是因为我太爱你

...I duno if u've moved on.

But if u have,
i wish u all the best.

Nymphetamine

Lead to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A 'V' of black swans
On with hope to the grave
All through Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear
Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain
So I swore to thy razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb
I am a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above unto me?
For once upon a time
From the binds of your lowliness
I could always find
The right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discolours all with tunnel vision
Sunsetter
Nymphetamine
Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, a vampyric addiction
To her alone in full submission
None better
Nymphetamine

Wracked with your charm
I am circled like prey
Back in the forest
Where whispers persuade
More sugar trails
More white lady laid
Than pillars of salt
(Keeping Sodom at night at bay)

Fold to my arms
Hold their mesmeric sway
And dance out to the moon
As we did in those golden days

Christening stars
I remember the way
We were needle and spoon
Mislaid in the burning hay

Bared on your tomb
I am a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon

Come above unto me?
For once upon a time
From the binds of your holiness
I could always find
The right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discolours all with tunnel vision
Sunsetter
Nymphetamine
Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, a vampyric addiction
To her alone in full submission
None better
Nymphetamine

Are you man enough?

Smtms people should just be more sensitive towards others feelings. Especially if one has known the other party for so damn long. I jus cant stand the way how he treats the family and speaks to her sometimes. Show her some love for goodness sake u twerp. I wish u'd be more sensitive and mindful of your own family. Hopefully u're not cheating on her and her kid on another mistress and family outside. U'd disappoint your own child and drive your wife to her grave. U've only known how to go back to them when the going gets tough but totally left them out of everything else during your prime and when u were doing well. Are you man enough to tell her sorry? Something I doubt u've ever done? Maybe it doesn't matter whether or not u do already. Cuz u've disappointed the people who love u the most.

Triple Sweet Victory

Kudus to Hall6 ruggers. We played our hearts out and overcame the odds. 8-7 the final score read. Bruised bodies, popped shoulders, calf cramps.. it's been 2 days and i'm still in a daze how we did it. Absolute hall6. Perfecto. Buenos. We didn't have to wait for the soccer dudes to deliver the goods. We did it! Already the sports champs, we brought the overall champs title in; and the icing on the cake was to defeat the supposedly 'unbeatable' hall. Superb game play, excellent discipline on the pitch, warriors hungry for victory.

C A M P I O N E

Goodbye National Stadium

It was a fitting end. Victory against Thailand "over 90 minutes since 1977" -soccernet.com. It was my first and last LIVE soccer match at the National Stadium! Couldn't possibly let this opportunity pass=) I experienced the passion (albeit sometimes over-reaction I'd say) of the fans first hand. Ok la, i was one of them =P. Verbal abuse of the ref and visiting team were the programme for the day. But the ref was really f%#*ed up. (From the land of Dr M..wadya expecting man?) Anyway, I had a good look at the National Stadium again one last time before its tearing down.

Goodnite.

Finally a nice dream=)

I'll be dreaming of you tonight

Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight

And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be

Then here in my room

Dreaming about you and me

I dreamt a nice dream of us last night=) it was the kind i wish i nevr had to get up.

I'm falling sick. Again.

Dreaming of you

I dreamt of you last night again. The words you said to me seemed so vivid and so real, I wish you'll never have to say to me in reality cuz it pierces my heart. To date, there hasn't really been anything i regret except the day i chose to let you go.

Time heals wounds; or does it?

Why does it hurt so much even after so long? All you ever wanted was to know if i wanted to be with you. All you ever needed was just for me to be there for you. All i ever did was nothing. And I'm paying the price for it right now. The rain has started to pour again. How can I tell you that I'm missing you so so so badly right now? I can't show it. Not to you. My heart feels like it's been thru alot worse than a million knife stabs. I can't sleep thinking of you.

We said we'd be together. That we'd hold on til a miracle happens. When we parted, we were unsure if it was the right thing to do. I missed you and my heart broke the second we made the decision. Will hanging on actually do us no good? How come it still hurts so badly then? It feels like it was just yesterday since we broke up. I know that there are alot more than just fun times that we should focus on. Issues unsettled and complicated for some to understand. But if i could do anything to be with you again, I would.

I miss you it hurts.

"You'll never walk (alone)"

My ankles are killin me! First the right, now the left. I need to recover in time for IH!

A Royal Affair

Ok..something happy and not depressing for a change =) had a wonderful time on 30th Dec 2006 as the JCM and crystal's other friends celebrated her 21st birthday. I was made the emcee of the games segment but sumhow the birthday girl ended up co-hosting it with me! haha..of course, i loved the food. Cereal prawns, curry chicken, fried rice, fried mee, egg omelette, fish and brinjal, mixed veg, spring rolls, samosa, almond jelly, sea coconut...char/crystal: how come no one talked about the food??!! i'm surprised lol.

hey, i'm lazy to 'narate' it all here haha..but yea, it was one of the best parties i've attended. From the preparations, the organization, the sporting guests (who made my job much easier :) ), the FOOD etc...What a wonderful way to celebrate the eve of New Year's Eve and to close the year nicely after all that happened in 2006 =) Pity Mike Lui couldn't join us as he wasn't feeling too good. He would have brought his crown and mine haha. And our swords. Mike, the photos are on her blog. Take care in UK too bro. Got your sms. No worries yea? See you when you return again :)

Hello 2007

Bye 2006. The most tumultuous year for me to date.

1. Took over as president of altarboys BSC. Didn't expect the serving rate to decline that badly in the end. Did i do too little? Maybe so. Left with unfinished business come December.

2. Organised a 21st Birthday celebration at macs for Her. I think that was the last major thing i did. Sigh. Could have, should have, done more. Lotsa happy memories. But well, sadly, they stay as memories. Just replaced my home PC monitor and was looking thru the photos. Sigh. Shan't go on...

3. ORDed before another stock-taking. Handover was a real relief. My understudy was hardworking but not that competent. Oh well, cldn give 2 hoots about it. ORD anyway. Slacked my way thru army. Re-read an email from an old fren. I'm taking the advice about not thinking about all the 'what-if's' and 'what-could-have-been's. Didn't regret my decision. Time spent with that special someone was worth every second i was not in camp.

4. Tioman. Best getaway to date. Slacked overseas, fished, ate, drank, got high, sang songs and solos, learnt a few puffs. All things sinful. Sigh. Loved the 'rockfall' or so they called it. Snorkelled around a small island. Stingrays, satay, beer, all going cheap cheap. Made a new fren.

5. WE starting drifting. Was it me? Did i not have time for Her? Maybe i still couldn't understand Her enough. Or did i feel it was like the other way round? Going out seemed to Her like an obligation instead of the looking-foward-to-meet-you. Parting was painful. Think it was mutual. Sigh. Still we couldn't bear to. I didn't do enough to keep Her by my side. Beneath my smiley and joking exterior alwz, i guess noone really knew the heartache and tears i went through. Not even Her. I alwz held on to the belief that we would work things out.

6. Looking back, i think what followed in the next few months i wish i could reverse. Those close to me would know what transpired. Rash decision? Action-reaction? Sigh. Went clubbing for the first time. (yea i was 20 already and my first time..so what?) Smoked, drank, ran a distance a i never knew. From home to pine grove, to maju camp, to ngee ann poly, to kap, down bukit timah road, up 6th ave, holland road and back home. God knows where i found the energy to do so. I have never done more than 4.8k before and that was in sec4. I was trying to forget Her.

7. My 21st Birthday. How dumb cld i get? I alwz bring my camera around except on the day of my birthday celebration. Noone else had a cam that day. Sigh. No photos of frens or family that day. Guess what remains is what i can remember. Alota ppl couldnt make it. 3 cousins were overseas, 1 couldn't make it, and sum uncles and aunties here and there couldn't make it as well. To my brothers who came, your presence meant alot. To those who wished me via phonecall or sms, thank you so much. I appreciate my dad and mum the most. Dad isn't working, Mum just stopped her parttime work, yet they were still willing to throw me a party.

It wasn't the most lavish of parties with wine and music and lights; it wasn't one with a huge birthday cake; it wasn't one where i received a car from my dad.

It was the one where i felt love from my parents. I never really got the chance to thank them that nite. The last time i remembered celebrating with Mum AND Dad around? 7 years old. I think.

8. 1st exams in NTU. I tried. Didn't really reach my aim. Sigh. So much for PhD dreams. I guess i really ain't that smart after all. (yea..go on laugh) I will try harder next sem.

9. Christmas. (go read one of previous entries)

10. New year. No countdown for me. I think it's just another day. Spent it at coffee bean at holland v and then at the hawker centre playing cards till 3am. Spent New Year's Day at home with family.

I wish all a good 2007 ahead.